I have enjoyed breastfeeding. I love it. Some people don't share this love with me. But who couldn't love it, I mean where else can you get huge ginormous boobs so quickly (for free :)), or flat, deflated, saggy boobs just as quick (surgery NOT required :))?
Yes. I just said boobs. Hello I work in the hospital with babies. Little babies. That breast feed. Yes I said it again. I mean seriously. You are talking about someone who at the dinner table is trying to remember why her brother had surgery (while her other brother is PLEADING to PLEASE not go there) only to recall that it was to have a boil removed... from his BUTT. Don't worry ****. Your secret is safe with me.
I digress. With Savannah, I pumped for 9 months. She wouldn't eat. Or couldn't eat rather. So she was tube fed. For 3 years of her life. And breast milk for 9 months. It was the longest 9 months EVER. I can't believe I lasted that long.
With Mikenna I nursed her for 1 year. Because she would NEVER. TAKE. A. BOTTLE. EVER. It was truly disheartening actually. NEVER a break. You know. You have been there.
With Daxton, he weaned himself at 11.5 months... which was hilarious. He is a boy. He weaned HIMSELF???? HMMM.
With Isabella, I have just not had the heart to wean. Maybe it is because every time I hold her I hold her as if I will never hold her again. Maybe it is because every time I feed her it is if I am feeding her for the last time. Maybe it is because when she snuggles up to me I cherish it like it is the last time. Because I don't know if it is. Or if it isn't.
I wonder if I love on her "more" because I am not able to physically love Daxton. So I love on her for the both of them. Needless to say, she is loved on enough for two. Truly. And she LOVES nursing. She really does. She doesn't bite (although she has a full set of teeth), she doesn't squirm all around, she doesn't play. She just nurses and goes to sleep. And I love it.
BUT. It is time. Time to let go of this stage of my sweet little snuggly baby. Time for me to have my body back.... for now. Time for us to move on. It feels so final. Like she is all growed up. Like she won't need me anymore. Like anyone can take care of her now. It's sad. Kind of heartbreaking that she is growing up. That it is happening so fast. But there is a time and a season. And this is a new time and a new season.
4 comments:
Thank you so much for your posts. You probably have no idea how much they help me. Even a post as simple as nursing brought me much needed comfort. It wasn't the nursing part - but the part where you said you love Isabella " more " I know what you meant by saying that and it brought me some much needed peace. I have been feeling terrible ever since Josh was born because I almost feel like I love him " more " than I love Douglas. I couldn't figure that feeling out. I knew it wasn't that I really did love one more than the other because I love my children the same - SO MUCH ! But it makes sense that I would cherish Josh a bit more right now. I know what it's like to have a child inside of you - a full grown child. And I know what it is like to lose that full grown child. So I think that I feel this way about Josh because I have seen how quickly these little ones can leave. I have felt that loss and heartache - and still do.
So thank you again and again. You might think you're just writing on your blog because you're bored - or because you just feel like it. But sometimes you are answering someone else's prayer. And you don't even know it : )
I too, loved nursing. It is hard to let go of such a precious intimate time with you and your baby. Good luck! And may the next stage be just as wonderful!
I know what you mean. I loved nursing and was glad and sad to stop. He was a great nurser just Isabella. I totally understand the thought of now someone else can take care of your baby. Thanks for your posts. They are a help to all!
So I was totally blog stalking because my children are in bed and my husband is gone and I read your posts way back to February I think and saw that your brother got called to the Lisbon Portugal Mission. Wow, I went there, 5 years ago and please tell him for me that he will LOVE those portuguese people more than he loves you :)!! I have never heard of someone going to that mission until now. You made my day!! Tell him (or send him) to take bug spray with 100% deet, he will need it for the fleas!, not kidding!(plus, I think you are amazingly positive, I loved your post about all the things you love and the reason you love it is because it reminds you of having your family)
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