In the NICU, we have many babies; some are viable and thrive and we send them home, others are not so lucky. It is always hard when we have a set of twins, one lives and one doesn't. We often wonder why this is so? Why would one be able to stay over the other? Why can't they both go or both stay?
Before Daxton passed away, I would have said that the mom who only takes home one twin should count her blessings that she at least gets to take home one of her babies, instead of both. However, now I see things differently. Each time that mother sees the living twin, she will think of the one she didn't take home. Each time she looks into that child's eyes, she will see a healthy baby, but she will also see the healthy baby she never brought home. Her heart will ache daily for the loss and hopefully rejoice for the life that she was able to keep. I pray for that mom that she will be able to deal with that heartache. It seems so unfair, yet it is God's will. She will have to leave one twin behind and take the other one home.
This summer God has called a lot of children home. I wonder what sort of missions each child is supposed to serve in Heaven. I hope their cause is great and that there is much rejoicing in their return. Even while I remain here with empty arms and an aching heart, it brings me comfort to know that when Daxton passed, my Savior was there to gather him in His arms and welcome him home.
Each day I pray I will have the strength to endure one more day without Daxton. That I will be able to get out of bed and do the daily "mundane" things of life. I pray to my Father in Heaven like I never have before to help me through the heartache, to appreciate not only the life taken, but also the life that remains here and will continue to join our family. My girls frustrate me sometimes, but most of the time they bring me joy. Amidst the sorrow, this is the joy I try carry.
9 comments:
It must be so hard for you to work in the NICU. Maybe one of your missions now is to help these families. You have so much to offer.
I love you.
Summer
From one NICU momma to a NICU nurse I have to tell you that what you do for these families makes a huge difference for them.
My preemie survived, has had lots of struggles, but I will never forget his primary care nurse and how she helped me feel like a "real mom" when I was visiting my baby.
It must be especially difficult after losing your precious boy to see babies pass on, and see their grieving families. I bet it's a huge blessing for them that someone there already understands what they are dealing with and can offer a compassion that many cannot.
I am one of those moms that started with twins, and left the hospital and the NICU with just one. Your post is right on. My heart is so grateful for my little Isaac. Six months old last week! Daily I see him and think of my baby girl Ireland. There is so much to wonder about her. Your sentiments meant a lot to me, because I don't think many people realize that as reality. I look at Isaac and I see Ireland. SO grateful he's here, and so sad that she's not. And not only do I mourn the loss of a child, but I also mourn the loss of twins. For years my husband said he wanted twins. We were elated when we found out we'd have twins.
Undoubtedly, we have twins. We just won't raise twins. Ireland is a part of my daily life, just as my other children are...and even more so because of Isaac. Your little Daxton is darling. I LOVED the song your cousin put together. He does have beautiful baby blues.
As others have said, surely you bring comfort to NICU moms. There were several in our 77 day stint, that had also experienced child loss. My heart clung to them and their words.
Thanks for sharing your heart with us. My prayers are with you! Surely, the heavens rejoiced at the return of Daxton.
-Shanda
We pray for your family!! Thanks for letting us in on our thoughts. You are so amazing. HANG IN THERE!!!
This is Danielle (again) from your Wyview ward. Just wanted to let you know that I check your blog regularly- and am always thinking of and praying for you and your cute family. I just can't imagine what you're going through- but you seem to have such an amazing outlook and attitude on it all. I'm sure you have your moments (or days) but I know you're trying to make a happy life for your sweet girls. You're doing a great job!
We love you Britt!!! I hope that you have a great day!!
Love you tons.
Megan
Britt... I read your last post. You are welcome to have Lincoln to spend the day with anytime. I know it's now the same but if it helps in the slightest bit or just brings more joy to your world Please! let me send him your way. He loves to play with Kenna. It was funny to see you at the store. Random!
Hi Brittany,
Your post brought me to tears as you talked about how many sweet babies have been called home this summer. My Cameron was called home 2 summers ago and it popped into my mind that he was there when all these babies came home this summer. Maybe it was sort of like a trainer missionary and a new greenie. I am sure that all of our little ones are rubbing shoulders in the work they are fulfilling. Just thought I would share. I am sure my little guy is helping yours and showing him the ropes. Thanks for your post. I love reading from all of you women who have lost little ones this summer. You are so close to the spirit and so very insightful. Thanks for sharing.
Love Cassi
I worry about this a little every day and hope and pray I get to bring both of my little girls home.
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