Puzzle Pieces

I have a friend who loves puzzles. She will do 1000 piece puzzles in a few days and 3oo piece puzzles in under a few hours. I am amazed each time I watch as she carefully places each piece of the puzzle in the correct spot. Only one piece can go it its own space. No two pieces are the same and no two pieces are interchangeable in where they lay in the puzzle. When the puzzle is complete, it is a great piece of work, planned with thought very carefully by the creator.

There are a million different pieces to this puzzle of the tragedy that we bear. Many people were involved and there were many players in putting it all together. Just one piece placed in a different spot would have completed a different puzzle for sure.

Here are a few pieces of the puzzle I am sure of:

1) I am sure that I was supposed to go to Havasupai. It was where I was supposed to be. I had only left my children one other time and we had been planning this trip for months. I had my reservations about my safety and the difficulty of the hike, but I knew that it was where I was supposed to be.

2) I knew that something bad was going to happen. I didn't know what or who or how, but I knew. I moped all the way to Havasupai and was even quite a bit mopey while we were there. I knew that this was a time for Doug and I to grow closer. So why did I leave you ask? I knew just as sure that I knew something bad would happen that I also needed to go. I have struggled deeply with this, but I know that God had a bigger plan for me.

3) I know that it was my sister who needed to watch my kids. I know this.

4) I know that my Heavenly Father is a true and loving Father in Heaven and He chose Monday morning to take my little baby home, so that I would be able to be there in the hospital. I am glad He chose Monday rather than any of the other days, because there would have been no way to contact me and if there was, it would have been very hard to get off the reservation with alternate plans.

5) The staff at the hospital was the best of the best. After talking with a few of the nurses they recalled that they would not have asked for anyone different on the team there for Daxton.

All these events and many others were orchestrated such that not one instrument was out of tune and no one was playing off key. Heavenly Father's plan is bigger than me. The pieces of my life are put together according to His will and my agency.

I am finally able to share pictures from the day of the funeral and the viewing. I thought that I was going to burn all these pictures, but am now grateful that I just put them in a folder deep in the heart of my computer. This is only a small part of all the effort that went into the viewing and the funeral preparations. It looked beautiful. Everything except for the occasion was PERFECT!!!

The picture was taken right before we left the viewing the night before the funeral. I was kissing my baby good night for the second to last time.
There is always something to laugh about when Savannah is around . For those of you who know her, you know just how true this is....I do not envy the role my father played during all this. He was the one who made "the phone call." When we got to the top of the mountain , I checked my phone as soon as I had service. When I saw there was a message, I knew that it could not be good news. My hands were shaking as I tried desperately to get a hold of my mom, dad, anyone.... I finally did and well let us just say, it was not pretty. We may have been crazy, but I knew that little Daxton wanted us to speak at his funeral. I had previously asked my dad to do "special memories" but then we both came to the conclusion I was supposed to speak about the "special memories" and dad was to share his thoughts.

This was the last time I kissed my baby good night. I have another picture, but it is too full of heartache. So I decided to spare myself the embarassment.

So throughout this whole crappy day, I was glad that my hair looked FANTASTIC!!!! and this dress made me look 10 pounds lighter..... coul
I am grateful for my girls. They give me a reason to get up in the morning, when all I want to do is stay in bed. They make me smile and they make me laugh.

These are all the girl cousins that were at the funeral. I am so glad that they were all able to make it. All of Doug's brothers and sisters were able to make it. It was so heartwarming to see them all make the effort and sacrifice to be with us on this day.