I don't know why said "bad things happen to good people." There is so much tragedy and sorrow all around us. Is it fair? Is it fair that some people suffer more than others? That some people go through life without any faith breaking experiences while some are tried and tried and tried? Is it fair that a mother lose her child and then another? How can that be fair? What is supposed to be learned from a repeated experience that wasn't learned the first time?
I have several friends experiencing really hard times. Two of them have husbands just diagnosed with terminal cancer, another's husband recently committed suicide, another has been battling breast cancer for years with small children, and a dear friend who lost her son to a tragic accident just miscarried at 20 weeks. How do we suffer through our trials and come out on top? How do we make it through the bad times?
I don't have the answers to all these questions. I don't even know where to begin. Since Daxton passed away there seems to be children all around me suffering or being taken back to their Father in Heaven. It is like driving a new car around for the first time, all the Toyota minivans out there now stand out in the same color that you are driving. It seems Father in Heaven is getting ready for something big in Heaven, because I know of at least 25 little angels that have been taken away this summer alone, and those are just the ones I know about.
I don't know how each of these mothers and fathers or spouses or sisters or brothers get up in the morning only to face a new day of heartache to suffer through their trial, but I can speak for myself. There isn't a moment, hour, or day that goes by I don't thank Father in Heaven for the two blessed girls I have on this earth or the angel son I will some day raise in a perfect world. There isn't a day that goes by I don't pray to face another day without Daxton, that I pray for peace to fill my soul that I might not go crazy with all the "what ifs" or new memories we are creating without Daxton. So I guess the one thing that helps me most... is prayer.
Also, all the support from friends and family and fellow bloggers (all of you) who check in on me to see how we are doing, who give up your time, talents, and caramel apples, just to bring a smile to my face. My girls, who get me up each morning to brush teeth, make lunches, get dressed and ready for school. Or who snuggle me when I just need a warm body to hold. My husband who helps me get through the morning when I don't want to get out of bed. He takes care of the girls until I feel like I can face the daily hullabaloo, he holds me when I cry, he shares the grief with me whether silently or openly.
I rely on my Savior. There isn't anyone in this world who knows exactly how I feel. Each mother who has lost a child grieves differently. The only person who knows how I feel is my Savior. He grieves with me. He loves me. He takes care of my baby while I cannot see him. He didn't only suffer for my sins, but for my sorrows as well, and boy did He shed a drop of blood or two for the heartache I have felt. For that I will be eternally grateful.
11 comments:
Maybe Heavenly Father is getting spirits ready. That's a great thought that I will ponder on.
It does seem like much more than normal. Nothing bad has ever happened in my family until recently. I lost 3 very close family members within a year, one suddenly, and experience another accident that almost claimed my sister as well. I've had the thought that when it rains it pours, but maybe it is Heavenly Father filling up his reserves. Thanks for the thought.
Loves.
Summer
I don't know how you can touch my heart in a new place every time I read your posts. It is amazing.
You have so eloquently explained the question of theodicy, or, why there is suffering in the world.
This summer I was at a conference and we spent a lot of time talking about it. Is God omnipotent? Does he really love us? Then how can there be so much suffering?
None of the answers really make sense to me. But, a good friend, who is getting her Ph.D. in theology right now said the only thing that gives her peace, is just like you said, Brittany.
God suffers with us.
If we know that, then the other questions don't matter as much.
Thank you.
thank you for your blog, it helps me alot. to know we are not alone.
I wait to hear more of your wisdom and strength but don't comment because you have no idea who I am. But, thank you for your courage to blog your intermost feelings as often as you can. You are a huge strength to me and I'm sure countless others. I look forward to reading it as often as I get on the computer.
Thinking of you and your family this Halloween night!
The Idaho girl :)
This was beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. It is so true that our eyes have been opened to suffering. The last day with Lucy was the end of my innocence. Yet in a good way, I suppose. An awakening to our fellow suffers and mankind.
Hope you made it through Halloween alright.
Thanks so much for your comments. You truly touch my heart with everything you write. I am one of those who has not suffered a faith breaking experience as of yet and I wonder how I would hold up. I appreciate you sharing all of your thoughts with us, I can only hope that I would be able to be spiritually mature and see things the way you do. You are such an inspiration! Hope your Halloween was fun with your beautiful girls!
Hi Britt;
I have been reading a whole lot of negatives and such on the election, economy, etc. It is very refreshing to read your blog and feel of your faith and hope, even the hard days of yours are more uplifting to me than the news articles I have been reading.
Thinking of you! love ya, Rell
What a beautiful, well-spoken post!!!
I found your blog through my hubby who found it through a friend but I just have to tell you that I appreciate so much your willingness to be open about your trials so that others might gain strength through theirs. One thing I hate the most is the bloggers that only blog the "my life is great" fassod. I guess if they're all about appearances and nothing else that's fine. But I'm sure so many are strengthened through your sharing.
I hope your girls had a nice halloween.
I have been meaning to leave a comment on your blog and "reconnect" with you! You are an amazing blog writer! I'm impressed. I love it all. I am glad you found Travis and I and left a comment on ours. (a while ago---sorry I am slow at responding!) I am sorry to hear about your son. You are a trooper! I remember Travis telling me he ran in to you and your fam at the Winter Qrts center in Omaha a few years ago when we lived there. That is so weird---small world, eh? Looks like you are keeping busy and doing well! Miss those days at RCW in Provo. Keep in touch!
love, Lindsay
I just don't get it sometimes. It just doesn't seem fair and yet I know that the Lord knows what's he's doing...I just wish I understood it like He does. Maybe that would make it a little more bareable. I always love your posts and your testimony. It's been such a strength to me during this whole mess. Always in my thoughts and prayers, Tiff.
Hi there,
I'm in your parents ward. I just wanted to tell you how much you touch my heart. I read your blog regularly and it helps me to keep an eternal perspective and stay grateful.
I am so grateful that you are willing to share your journey with us. You are an amazing woman who radiates so much faith and strength.
I know that our Savior understands our pain and our suffering, and I continue to stand amazed.
I will continue to pray for you and your family.
Thanks for all that you share with us, it's truely a blessing to feel your spirit and hear your thoughts.
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