I wonder how little children perceive death. One day they see someone and the next they don't. They go to the cemetery, see all the pretty flowers, and mom and dad or loved ones talk about the one who is missing. We get teary eyed as we try to remember and teach the kids we will once again see that person again.
As much as we talk to Mikenna and Savannah, I wonder how much they actually miss their baby brother that was only here a short time, how much they really understand, and how much they actually grieve.
Here is a little insight into Mikenna's grieving.... When she prays, she blesses Daxton that he will know how much we love him and miss him. Tonight after her prayer she said to Daddy, "I really want Daxton to come back."
To which Doug replied, "Me too, Why do you want him to come back?"
She says, "Because I love him."
Sometimes I think that she walks around the house, just waiting to see her baby brother. She totes her "baby asher" wherever we go, in the carseat next to her, on the couch next to her, tonight, she put Daxton's bear on her bed and said, "Daddy I am going to put this bear on my bed and pretend Daxton is there with me tonight. He isn't really though Daddy, just for pretends."
Oh my sweet baby, I bet he is there next to you tonight.
8 comments:
What a sweetheart. I'm sure Daxton was there next to her. He loves his sisters so much and wants them to be happy. I find my girls saying the same things. Little children are so sweet, aren't we glad we have them!
Of course I'm crying. I can't read your blog and NOT cry.
What a beautiful post.
Mikenna is such a sweetheart. (and I love her baby's name :)
Jaxon is afraid of death. He thinks that if he grows up, to be 12, or to be a man, or whatever it is that day, that he'll die.
It really is difficult for them to understand. Heck, it's difficult for me to understand.
But, we just do our best, I guess.
Snuggle with a bear or a child.
That's all we can do.
What a sweet, sweet Mikenna! I am sure Daxton was there.
As I am sure you know, I've had two sisters pass away, so I feel like I have some experience in the sibling department and can comment. One sister died before I was born and one when I was 14. I always grew up hearing about Tanja and of course, I remember Tamilie.
As an adult, I feel like my sisters are near. I feel like my children have a favorite aunt here on earth and when the veil is removed, they will remember that they have two more favorite aunts. I feel like my sisters rejoice when they see Teilani and I talking and laughing, they want us to be close. When my mom, my sister, and I went to NYC for 5 days I felt like my sisters were with us every step we took. I was so surprised to feel them and I know it was not a figment of my imagination. I felt them closer than I ever have.
When my littlest sister died and I was sad, but I happy for my older sister, because I thought she might have been missing having a sister around for the last four years. I also felt a little shafted, like they had the perfect-spirit-just-needed-a-body club going on and I get to work out my own salvation.
Having a sibling on the other side of the veil, I always felt like our family was missing something. You mention Mikenna wandering around I think I know I what you mean. I still feel like someone is missing when we are all together.
On the other hand, I always wanted to live my life to see them again (even when I wasn't making the best choices, that was still what I wanted) and that influenced my tremendously in my critical years. I grew up KNOWING that families ARE forever, that we lived before we came here and our spirits still live on.
That kind of conviction I have found only among those "in the know".
Gosh, I hope that nothing I said was stupid or wrong. I pretty much live with my foot in my mouth. We continue to pray for you and your family and keep your name in the temple up here.
my sweet friend, how wise you have become. I LOVE YOU!!!! (and i pushed really really hard on the keys when i wrote that so you'll KNOW i meant it!)
Logan and I miss your sweet family a lot. It's too hard to understand why Daxton had to leave and sometimes too hard to even think about. I was thinking about your family and Daxton a lot today. I have all of the family pictures on my screen saver and I was looking at them today. I just wanted to tell you that I love you and I've realized so much how important our families really are.
My name is Catherine. I do not know you but my friend sent me the link to your blog. I am from AZ but currently live in Idaho. I lost my 3rd baby boy in the NICU at only 2 weeks old. I have a 6 year old, 4 year old, Cooper would have been a year and a half,and I am due with our first girl on January 17th. I am also LDS and I do not know how non-members who do not have the gospel can get through such a hard trial of losing a precious child. Your blog is wonderful and I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a baby is so hard and it is encouraging to know that someone out there can relate.
Oh your sweet sweet girls; I love them so much. I think they understand more than we think they do. I love you.
She is so sweet. I think they understand more than we know.
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