I wanted to share some words of strength. I have had better days and weeks and months. Today and most every day are daily reminders of what I have lost, of what I will not see again in this life. I miss Daxton, of course I miss him. I also realize I have other children, other responsibilities. I continue to daily relearn how to live life without my little baby. I am still learning. I think it will be a lifelong process. I hope that one day it is easier. That instead of sorrow in my eyes when I see pictures or talk of Daxton, it will be replaced with joy. Joy in the memories, joy that I will see him again, joy that I still have my life left to live here on this earth.
From the early days, the intense physical and real emotional pain has been replaced with a softer sorrow. A softer grieving. When there is grief and tears (which there are), the tears are not as bitter, they are not as gut wrenching (well not as frequently), and it doesn't typically last for days like it used to. There isn't ALWAYS a dark cloud over my head. There are times of peace and comfort and even a desire to serve others as I have been served. This has been a long time coming. I am glad that pieces of my old self are meeting pieces of my "new" self and coming together in a nice little compromise. :).
Due to possible inaccuracies in my notes of Elder Hollands Stake Conf. talk and being that my notes are my interpretation of what he taught, I've decided to pull them from the web...Doug
14 comments:
Hi, I hope its okay to comment. I was in your parents ward when your little Daxton passed away & was friends with Trisha Belnap before we moved, so I have been checking in for these past few months. So many times your words, strength & sincere vulnerability have touched me so much. I was at that Stake Conference, listening to Elder Holland, thinking, I'm sure I'll never face something to make me want to bail out... I am so grateful for this reminder of that talk. I'd wished I could have written it down as it touched me so much. Especially this day, as I face some obstacles & have felt alone... I always feel so awful though for feeling pity for myself the second I get to your blog, I cant even imagine your loss & pain, and every trial that comes with it. Please know that so many people love you. I would want to know that. I'm sure you know that your loved ones are always praying for you, but I am also always praying for your family and your great parents... as just a stranger.
I am so grateful for your honest expressions here & pray for your comfort from our Heavenly Father.
Shayla Mabey
you are still so raw with pain. Everyone deals differently with a loss of a child. I personaly wanted to punch every halloween and thanksgiving plus christmas decoration over, I couldn't believe people would just move on. I don't know if you read my blog or not. but i shared a story about a dream i had about my justin. Thank you so much for the words of elder holland. prays are with you and your family
Thanks for writing to us all. I love to hear from you and learn from you. This post has helped me.
Lots of love.
Summer
I'm a mother of two in Texas. A coworker showed me your blog and I have been following it for about four weeks. I have not been able to stop thinking about you and I have prayed for you relentlessly. My husband told me I was border line obsessed because I have mentioned you so frequently. I thank God for leading me to your story becasuse it has opened my eyes so much. I have been so guilty of taking my family for granted and not appreciating them as I should. When I became pregnant with our second child I was not thrilled. I wanted so badly to not be pregnant because I knew the sleepless nights and hard work that was ahead. After he was born of course I loved him but my patience was thin and I found myself wanting to do the kithen work in the evenings rather than bathe, feed and put him down. Keep in mind I work full time and this is the only realy quality time we get with him. (how stupid of me) On a day if I were to get off work early, I would go home first for a little bit of alone time and pick him up from day care later. My patience with my six year old was pretty much null and I was constantly yelling. After reading your story (at work) I sat at my desk and cried my soul out feeling so guilty for not seeing what a blessing these babies are and being so selfish. It truly has changed my life and the way I look at things. I have left work ealry about three days a week and sailed to pick up my boys. I now do not care about the house or any errands that need to be run. I can do them with my kids. My thinking before was that errands were so much easier without them. While this may be true, why not look at it as more time I can spend with them. Thank youu so much for posting your story. I will continue to follow your blog. It will be my "self check" tool. I will continue to pray for you. I pray the Lord holds you close and eases the pain. You are a person I will strive to be like. Your strength and faith in God is admirable.
Thank you so much- I really needed to hear Elder Holland's counsel on hard times today. This brought tears, but the good kind :), so thank you, and thank your dh for taking good notes.
I love EVERY SINGLE WORD that you shared. Thank You So much!! Yesterday marked the three week mark for us and it was almost unbareable. Tuesdays are always really hard for me it seems. I loved the hope that you shared and it helped me be strong for my husband sake last night. Thanks Brit. We're all in this together. You are in my thoughts and prayers daily. Much Love. Tiff
WOW! What a great way to start my day-reading your blog! You are experiencing such heartache, yet inspiring others! I linked to your blog through Stephanie's and have been following it ever since:)
Isn't it great to see how much our Heavenly Father loves us by the myriad of ways he extends his care? The Apostles are such a blessing! Thanks for sharing! You are in the prayers and hearts of many:)
Hi Kunz Family. My cousin Angie sent me your blog for words of strength and uplift. I am so grateful she did. We have serious problems with our children and she knows I could use your inspiration.
I know from reading your blog and all of the comments left, how you and the loss of your sweet baby Dax has influenced and helped the lives of many across the country. Your faith and inspiration is a miracle alone and our Father in Heaven has sent each member of your family to touch many many lives. You are his tools. So thank you for choosing to do this in Heaven. You've helped a lost mom in Idaho.
Thank you and we'll be praying for your family!
Lindsay in Idaho
I'm a friend of Denine's and I really appreciated your thoughts. I thought you also might like to know that Kenneth Cope has a song entitled "Broken Things." It's very tender. I'm sure you'd enjoy the song and the meaning behind ir. May the Lord continue to bless you each day to feel his love and carry on.
Warmly,
Amy Thackeray
Britt,
I can always count on you to help me feel better about life. I don't know if you have looked at my blog recently, but we have had quite a few of our own trials in life that have (for lack of a better word) "forced" us closer to the Lord. I really needed to hear these words. You are truly an inspiration to millions!
I felt odd commenting on your blog since I don't even know you but reading these other comments has eased that maybe you wouldn't think I am as crazy as I feel.
I have known about your baby's passing since the day that it happened. I am a friend of Kami Smith's and was supposed to be going to her house that night for a gathering when I got the news. That day was my daughter's exact due date, though she was just shy of a month old on that day.
I cannot express to you how much your posts make me feel inspired to be a better mother, wife and friend. I have self-pity a lot and when I think about the situation Heavenly Father has placed in your hands, I dig myself out of that deep hole and wonder why I was even complaining in the first place.
I am not sure if there is anything I can say that would inspire you at all. You are a rock.
My daughter is named after one of my best friend's who passed away when I was 12. She was one of the closest deaths I have ever experienced but nothing as great as feeling the loss of a child. I hope never to find out what great a loss you are dealing with.
The past weeks have been hitting me hard as I follow your blog. I hope you dont mind that I wrote about you (with no names or information) on my blog. I cannot even imagine yet I feel so tied to your words.
My favorite scripture is 1st Corinthians 10:13. It has stayed with me for many years, ever since I was 14 and my EFY counselor was trying to help me out during a hard summer.
I know one day you will see him again. It is comforting to know we have forever families. I try and not take mine for granted each day.
Thank you for inspiring many people, especially for inspiring me.
I hope this week brings more healing for your beautiful family.
Brittany, You truly are an inspiration to many people. Because of you I have learned to appreciate my children more and worry less about the little things. Thank you for your words and the words of Elder Holland. My thoughts and prayers are with you and Doug always.
I just wanted to let you know how much I needed your blog today. A friend of yours, Nilda, is a friend of my friends. And she said that she checks your blog occassionally and that I should look today. I know you don't know me, but I want to thank you for this blog today. I have never experienced your trial, and hope to never be asked to. I am so sorry for your loss, Daxton is beautiful. My trials at this time are of a entirely different nature...but those were exactly the words I needed today. I actually am excited to share them with my mom. Thank you so much for your testimony...
We have never met, I found your blog while "hopping" around and I read it all the time. I cannot believe how strong you are. Thank you for the words and wisdom that you bring to your blog. I cannot understand or fathom the pain you are going through, but you don't let it get you down and you show so much strength. I just wanted to tell you that! You are in my thoughts and prayers daily!
Jaime
Post a Comment