Today marks 4 weeks since Daxton's passing.
I miss my baby. I miss everything about him. I miss his cute buns, I miss his blue eyes looking up at me when I get him out of his crib in the morning. I miss holding his hand. I miss cuddling with him. I miss giving him a bath, combing his hair. I miss changing his diaper and shopping for new clothes for him. I miss wrestling with him at church, I miss putting him in his carseat. I miss him in my arms when I am cooking or cleaning or doing my makeup. I miss rescuing him from Savannah and Mikenna. I miss his giggles, I miss him at my feet, I miss him crawling all over me when I am on the floor or the couch or the bed or outside. I miss swimming with him. I miss seeing him every second of every day. Oh how my heart aches to hold him and love him.
Although I miss my baby Daxton, I am grateful. I am grateful to friends and family who have gone out of their way to render their services to my family and I, whether it be through cards, emails, meals, or a listening ear. I am grateful for listening ears and hugs. I am grateful for my husband who is my rock through all of this. I am grateful to people who can relate with me even though it is painful for both of us. I am grateful for my girls. I am grateful they keep me going. I am grateful for the present. I am grateful that I will one day be with and raise my son. I pray that day comes soon. I am grateful for strength I never knew I would be able to posses. I am grateful for the angels I know have been circling around me even before Daxton's passing. I am grateful for the knowledge I have that I will live with Daxton again. I am grateful for the temple and the knowledge that I have we will be a family forever.
Each night I lay by the girls and talk to them. When I lay by Savannah it goes something like this. "Savannah, who is your best friend." She looks at me with her toothy smile, points her finger and says, "You, mommy." I then ask her, "Who is my best friend?" To which she replies, "Me" while pointing to herself and showing me her toothy smile. (yes I am brain washing my children... at least while I can)
When I lay by Mikenna, she usually gabs on and on and on and on and on. So tonight I thought I would try something different.... I said, "Mikenna, who is your best friend?" To which she replies, "It starts with a J----." I say, "Doesn't it start with an "M"?" She says, "No, a J---" I say, "Well isn't Mommy your best friend?" and she replies, "No, you are my mom." Well I guess I can only brain wash one of my children and that will have to do.
luvs to all
14 comments:
So I guess you can't be a mom & a best friend...at least not yet! I think it took me awhile to jump on that wagon. Sounds like Savannah's got it figured out. Love you.
Brittany,
I'm glad that you're putting up these posts. I know you really miss Daxton. I hadn't even thought of all of those little things, even changing diapers.
Cute story about Mikenna and Savannah. They are such great girls.
We love you guys.
Britt, once again I am amazed by you. Your heart aches so much, yet you are still able to see your blessings and be grateful for so many things. Thanks for reminding me of all the little daily things that are easy to take for granted sometimes. Every second we have with our kids should be cherished like that. I'm sure Daxton loved all those things you did with him every day and will one day thank you for loving him so much.
Don't you just love the conversations that evolve when you lay by your kids at bedtime? Those are my best talks with mine. Love you babe.
So did you ever find out who the J person was? Jesus? I love it. I'll have to try those tricks with my little ones, while I still can as you said.
You are so amazing Britt. I often wonder about my sister and how she is doing on a daily basis since she has lost her little boy too. Reading your posts have given me a little more insight into what she is probably feeling too. Thanks for reminding me that it's the little moments that count in life, and of how blessed I am. You are so strong and such a great example.
I love, love , love , love, you!!! thanks for all you do for ME! you are my bomb! ;)
brittany,
i hope you and your sweet family are doing ok. i am still praying for you and think of you awesome. i've never had a girl, but i understand the special sweetness of a baby boy. they are especially yummy. i so admire you for your strength and testimony. your tribute to daxton is unforgettable. he truly does have a special mommy.
i meant to say, "think of you often." :)
Britt,
Savannah has so much personality. How can you not smile when she is around. I really appreciate your texts and you coming over and talking with us while you were still in your own grieving process. I have learned a lot from you. You also helped my family understand Sandra's situation more and that helped us gain closure. You are such a good friend. Thank you.
You are such a BEAUTIFUL Lady! Thank you for sharing your heart with so many of us. I love you! I pray for you daily! You are amazing and I am glad to be your cousin!
I love your posts about Daxton. What a great way for everyone to know and love him like you did. You are a rock. I am amazed and inspired by your strength, it helps remind me that my petty concerns are just petty compared to the larger picture! Your girls are hilarious! I love the things kids say!
What a beautiful post. How lucky Daxton is to have you as his mother! Your girls are adorable too!
I am grateful for your post, and wish you were near so we could get together and bawl our heads off. It is a good thing we have little ones to keep us smiling.
Thank you for leaving a comment on my blog! I saw it almost a month ago and have been checking your blog since. Today is one month since our little girl died. I thought I would finally tell thanks for reaching out at such a difficult time when you don't even know me. I wish you weren't going through this, but it is helpful in a strange way to be going through such a loss at the same time as someone else. Thanks for your testimony and for showing your gratitude. There are some days I need to be reminded that I am still being blessed. Although there is no denying that I am. You are in my prayers. Thank you.
Doug & Brittany. We continue to think of and pray for you often. We appreciate your strength and your testimony. You, your girls and Daxton are a wonderful family. Darin & Carey.
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