Just wanted to post a picture of my baby, with his chubby hands, and chubby feet. His chubby cheeks and chubby knees. I thought this was one of the last pictures taken of my baby, but then I saw it big and realized he only had one tooth on the bottom... so it was awhile ago. I did find this picture and fell in love with him all over again.
It has been a rough night. The last two days have been "good" living in the present and keeping busy, but all ups must have downs. I guess that is the way the process of "grief" goes. Lest you all be swayed, I am not always so strong. I have my moments. It is friends and family who listen that keep me going. It is not always easy to put on a smile and pretend everything is ok. The triggers come and go.
I love what Elder Russell M. Nelson taught,
"Irrespective of age, we mourn for those loved and lost. Mourning is one of the deepest expressions of pure love. It is a natural response in complete accord with divine commandment: 'Thou shalt live together in love, insomuch that thou shalt weep for the loss of them that die.'(D&C 42:45.)
"Moreover, we can't fully appreciate joyful reunions later without tearful separations now." (Doors of Death, Ensign, May 1992, 72)
I know our reunion with sweet Daxton will be every bit as joyful as is difficult our separation at this time.
I also love this quote by Elder Wirthlin after teaching about Christ's crucifixion and Resurrection on that glorious Sunday:
"Each of us will have our own Fridays (referencing that darkest of Friday's when the Savior was humiliated, bruised, and lifted upon the cross) —those days when the universe itself seems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us in pieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we can never be put together again. We will all have our Fridays.
But I testify to you in the name of the One who conquered death—Sunday will come. In the darkness of our sorrow, Sunday will come.
No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, Sunday will come. In this life or the next, Sunday will come." Joseph B. Wirthlin, “Sunday Will Come,” Ensign, Nov 2006, 28–30
I am grateful for these thoughts on mourning. It makes me feel less lonely and the light at the end of the tunnel becomes less dim.
12 comments:
Your strength is an example to so many. Your baby boy is incredible, and very blessed to have you as his mother. And your little girls have so much to look forward to as they grow up with you as their example.
You remain in our prayers.
You don't know me, I'm Tracy Lepak's sister in law. I've been thinking of Daxton, you & your family daily. I wanted you to know that there are so many out there whose lives have been touched by your family. Daxton is the sweetest Angel & is watching over his big sisters, mom & dad & everyone else whome he loved & loved him so much. I know through all of the other comments, you've heard that you set an incredible example of what faith truely is. You do. It is very inspiring & quite honestly I am in awe. Just know that Daxton (& your family) will always be in our hearts. Love from WI.
Thanks again for all you have shared, Britt and Doug. From your faith in the strongest moments to your faith in the depths of humility you have been an unrelenting beacon of light to SO many, especially me. It almost seems cruel that some of the times God uses us as sources of light and comfort for others are when we are in our greatest anguish. I don't fully understand why He does it this way, but I know it has something to do with the very tender mercy of being like the Savior, intimately walking in His footsteps, and in measure being for others what He is for you.
Thank you.
I love you.
Our precious little baby. Boy how I miss him too. I will miss you forever bubba Dax. Love you
Thanks for your thoughts, that D&C scripture is perfect. I'm glad Logan got to spend 4th of July with your family, thanks for inviting us, I was happy that he didn't have to be all alone. We love you!
Brittany,
I love you!
Jamie
Hi Brittany! This is Bethany Rudd...thanks for dropping a line to us. How did you find us? I am in complete shock and sitting here crying, I am so, so sorry to hear about your baby. It really puts things into perspective. We would love to see you guys sometime. Email me (I would leave you our number but I don't want to open to the world) family.rudd@gmail.com I don't know if this is the "right" thing to say, but know that you don't always have to be strong, it sounds like you have lots of support! Email soon...Bethany and Tait
Hi Brit,
My name is Angee Leishman, i'm Marilla's sister in law. I hope it is ok that I have been looking at your blog. Marilla has told us all how wonderful & spiritual you are and it is obvious from your sweet blog. I just wanted to pass on a book that really halped me when my mom passed away from cancer 3 years ago. It's called, "The birth we call death." It's by Paul H. Dunn & Richard M. Eyre. I got it at Deseret Book. It really is a wonderful book. If you get the chance read it.
I just read another Mom's blog who lost her sweet daughter in a drowning accident earlier this year. In it, she speaks of a paradox that seems to exist when one gives their child over to Christ's tender care yet they still grieve.
Does grieving mean the giving is incomplete?
There's probably no simple answer but maybe there's a very basic one: We are all mortal beings. A deep faith in Christ allows the "giving" but the mortal beings that we are still "grieve the giving".
I know that The Lord expects and understands this.
May the peace of Christ fill your heart to overflowing.
Brittany, it is truly inspiring to read your blog. Thank you for reminding us all of who is in control and who we should look to in our times of need. You and your family are constantly in my prayers. We need to have another swim day! I miss seeing you guys!
Brittany-
Thanks for all you share on your blog. You truly are inspiring. I am amazed by your strength. I can't even imagine how hard the days are for you. We continue to pray for you. Love you!
What a beautiful cherished picture. You can just see from the photo how much personality he had in that little body. He is a gorgeous little boy. Also I doubt anyone expects you to be strong all the time--if at all! I can only imagine how joyous your reunion will be with your little guy someday. It is going to be AMAZING!! What a blessing to have this gospel and know that. I will continue to pray for your family!
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