The Curve Ball

I am a planner. I plan. From the time I was very young, I knew I wanted to be a doctor or at least work in the medical field. I wanted to be the doctor because they are the "boss" or so I used to think..... It was all planned, I would graduate from high school, go to college, get a degree in Chemistry, and on to Medical School where I would study surgery or pediatrics.

I think I really began to think about a medical career when I was involved in a car accident at the age of 15, (my first curve ball). At that first moment in the hospital when I walked into the bathroom to look at myself, I can still remember the reflection staring back at me. I had 3 VERY distinct scars, covers with about 200 black stitches. I was lucky though.... a plastic surgeon was there to stitch me up and send me on my way.

I was having a particularly hard day, when a good friend of mine at the time and I were sitting outside my house. I was really feeling sorry for myself, because I was really "ugly." He turned to me and asked, "What is different about you? Are you changed on the inside? You are still the same person I knew a few days ago. You are beautiful just like you always were, and this will all fade." I pondered on those words and thought to myself, "Yeah, snap out of it." Of course I had hard days after that. I underwent extensive plastic surgery and was very lucky in the end. I had very supportive friends and family, who never once judged me for what was on the outside.

When I graduated from high school, I moved out, went to college, and set my heart on a Chemistry major (seriously, why would anyone do that to themselves). I was finishing up my Associates at Ricks (BYU-I) when I met Doug (we won't really count this as a "curve ball" per se, but not necessarily part of the "plan"). We fell in love, got married, and moved to Provo (BYU- yet again, not part of my plan). We thought we would wait to have kids, "Get some school and then get some kids."

Also, not part of the plan..... We found out we were pregnant 6 months after we were married and 9 months later Savannah Ranae Kunz was born. When she was born the doctors said, "She is small, she is not growing, and she is failure to thrive, and by the way, she has a syndrome called 'Russell Silver Syndrome' (another post will have to cover this one)." All in all, it was not what we expected in our "plan." (another curve ball) We grieved the perfect child, we grieved with each of the trials and setbacks as she was in the NICU for 3 weeks, we grieved when she didn't hit the milestones as she should have. However, each time we picked ourselves up, and looked ahead to the next challenge and milestone in her life. No use sitting around crying about it. We are doers, so we did. We attended conventions, saw therapists, slews of doctors, and learned all that we could about how we could make Savannah successful in her life.

Today, she is happy, mostly healthy, albeit another diagnosis and another curve ball, but we manage day to day. It is the best we can do. She is walking and talking, eating, and going to school. All things that were constantly on our minds. I know there are many other challenges yet to come with her, but each of those curve balls will hopefully come one at a time and we can decide how we are going hit each one.

Fast forward 6 years and 2 precious babies later. Mikenna Marissa and Daxton Douglas. We went on a trip to Havasupai with a group of friends and left our babies home. Monday morning as we were hiking out, we got the call, the call I hope that NO one ever has to receive. Daxton was taken from us. My worst fear had come to pass, the curve ball that makes or breaks a person.

How does one pick up the pieces and go on? How does one get up ready to bat for the next pitch after that curve ball? How can you run even if you hit that ball? The answers are yet to come. I hope someday I can look back on this particular "bad pitch" and think, "I sure hit that curve ball right on the money, right back at the pitcher, and then I made a home run."

Life throws us all sorts of "curve balls." No one ever said it was fair. We get all sorts of "bad pitches" too. How are we going to handle each of those challenges? How are we going to pick up the pieces? Are we going to turn and run? Or are we going to stand up to bat again? I hope and pray that each of us will be able to stand up to our challenges, to face them, and then plow right through them. No matter what they may be, big or small.

If they are too big, I challenge you to get on your knees and ask our Savior to help you, to give you the strength that you need in order to make it through just one more day. Each day brings new challenges, new emotions, new events, and sometimes most importantly a clean slate.