This is a continued thought from one of my previous post "The Curve Ball."
I was getting ready for church this morning and I was thinking. Wow, this is sure not how I had planned my first 27 years of life. This is not how I planned the last 8 years of my marriage. Why is my "plan" not working like I thought it would. I have set goals, I have had Family Home Evening with my girls, we read our scriptures, we say our prayers, and yes we have our faults, but I like to think that for every time we "choose the right" that some of our faults can get canceled out :).
Today, I realized that despite my very best efforts to keep to a "plan," to set goals, and continue to meet those goals while raising my family, it is not MY "plan." It is our Heavenly Father's Plan. This thought actually took me a little by surprise as I was hustling to get the family ready and out the door to church on time.
Our Father in Heaven has a plan for us. He knows what will happen to and with each of us. He knows our trials and our heartaches. When we lived in Heaven with Him in the Pre-earth life, He taught us of His plan. We were to come down to earth, to gain a body. We were given our free agency, for our Father in Heaven is a fair God. He gave us prophets and apostles to teach us and guide us, to be His voice to us. We are here to be tested, sometimes beyond impossible limits. We are given the commandments and the scriptures and we are supposed to study them and learn from them. To get to know our Savior better. He sent His Son, even Jesus Christ to atone for all our sins so that we might have a chance at returning to our Father in Heaven. He gave us the Holy Ghost to guide us and direct us and help us to make the right decisions. This plan is The Plan of Salvation.
I know this. I know that Father in Heaven has a plan for me. I know the Plan of Salvation. I have been taught it my whole life. This is not to say that "my plan" for my life is in any way discounted, I just need to align my plan with my Father's plan. It is hard. There are days when I don't want to get out of bed, there are times when I can't fall asleep. There are times when my entire body aches from the loss that I must bear, but I know that I have not done it alone. I also know that I am not the only one who has ever lost a child. This may sound terrible, but sometimes it is the only knowledge that helps me to sleep at night, to wake up the next morning, to continue with life. I am a survivor and I am not the only one.
10 comments:
Thanks Britt for all that you write. I sure do love to read your blog. I love you so much.
Love you, sis
Britt, thanks for the fun week! Sorry if we brought more work or craziness than you wanted. We had a blast if that makes u feel better. The boys had so much fun. It was nice to feel so close to where Daxton must be. The boys and I think of him and you and your family often! I love you. Your home is truly filled with the Holy spirit. One thought I had as I read these posts is that they need to be saved for the future, if that is possible. What if one day one of our kids goes through something tough, which is a given, well then I would want them to be able to read this stuff. You are being blessed with so much insight from the spirit. Thank you for sharing. I am going to try to copy and paste it into a word document or something. Hope you don't mind. Loves again, Rell:)
Thank you for sharing your insights and testimony. Love you
Brittany,
I found your blog through Stephanie's and have been reading ever since she posted about you. I hope you don't mind a stranger's comment. Thanks for getting up everday. Thanks for keeping at it. Having never experienced such a loss and watching you carry on through the trial, it gives me strength. As we stood by and wept as the Savior carried the cross to calvary, I stand by and weep for you as you carry this burden of grief and loss in this mortal life. Knowing that you can carry a weight as heavy as losing your sweet Daxton, I know I can carry my daily trials that pale in comparison. God's blessings upon you and your sweet family.
hi- you don't know me- i've commented before recently. I'm thinking about you and wondering if you are doing Ok today. i wanted to share something with you. When our daughter died 8+ years ago, we had so much support and love from ward members afterward. After the funeral they brought over enough food to feed us and family for a week+. Well, there was one woman who wasn't able to bring her food over with everyone else, so that night she sent her teenage son (who had been having some struggles with the gospel) over with the food. We were just sitting around, visiting and watching TV, but the young man stayed for over an hour. We were fine with him "hanging out" but were a little surprised that he stayed so long. His mother later told me that when he came home and she wondered where he had been, he said that when he walked through the doors of our house he could feel the spirit there stronger than he had ever felt before, and he didn't want to leave. It was amazing to us that he recognized the spirit so strongly, when to us there was no difference. I know HF was with us, and now recognize all the ways we were blessed at this time in our lives, in other ways. I know that was the plan for our daughter, and HF knows too how much we will be hurting even though we are faithfully and patiently trying to submit our will to His. I'm sure that all those visitors you are having at this time are also able to recognize the spirit very strongly in your home and in your countenance. beth
You are one amazing woman. I am a stranger that has been reading your blog. I hope you dont mind. I have been really touched by it. I just wanted you to know that (: You really are remarkable!
Brittany, I too have been reading your blog and have been strengthened by it. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. We continue to think about you guys, and pray for you.
Cami
You have no idea how your words affect my life when I read your blog. I am sure I am no the only one. Thankyou for allowing so many to watch you go through this process it brings great comfort to my altered "plan" to read about how you grieve yours.
Yes, my son having Autism was SO not my plan. God knows what he is doing although it is very hard at times.
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