Around and around with a 5 year old who thinks life is NOT FAIR. It isn't fair if she doesn't get to buy something at the grocery store EVERY single time or when she has to go to bed or when I don't fix her something else different for dinner yet again or well you know how it goes.
Well my little sister. It just isn't fair. I am SO WITH YOU. Life isn't fair. Nobody said it would be. Last night I had a little melt down. It may or may not have been building up for awhile. It just seems to easy that I have 3 kids. I still get to do a lot of things I might not be able to do with 4. Go figure. Then I feel guilty for even having the thought.
It should be harder to have a newborn in the house. She should be crying because I am too busy with a toddler running around. The toddler should be crying because I have a new baby in the house and he is now getting neglected. I should have two cribs set up. One for the baby and well one for Daxton. I should be running out of room in my little house with all the toys and tripping over the little ones. When I exercise I should have a little buddy under my feet AND a crying baby.
It should be harder. But it isn't. I am not grateful for that. It's not fair. I am with you Mikenna. It's not fair.
But how are we going to react to that statement? How are we going to make it positive? Otherwise we live our lives in pessimism of life not being fair and we can get so caught up in it, it will consume our lives. There are only few moments I have the thoughts of it not being fair. I say I should have a toddler, but in all reality, I shouldn't.
Daxton's time came and he is doing a greater work than he could have here on this earth. He is a missionary. I believe also that his work continues here. Many have been blessed by his story. Many have reviewed the way they think about their kids and treasure them.... I can only hope. I think that through his hand I have been blessed with many new friends, deepened friendships with old friends, and overcome so many obstacles that could have broken up my family.
I miss him. I love him. No. It isn't fair he is gone, but how am I going to make this 'positive' if you will? I will do my best and keep you posted :).
5 comments:
Britt,
What can I say? I can't even tell you how many times I've said this to myself...just today even!! Today has been one of "those" days for me as well. I know it's not the "same" for me. I still "have" my little boy. But, some days, the autism "has" him more! Today we met with one of his behavior specialists to go over his goals. It's just a constant reminder of where he SHOULD be and where he is NOT!! I keep thinking "it's not fair my babies have to go through this!" It's not fair we have to go through these trials...or is it?! No, I don't think that I "signed" up for this in the pre-existence. But yet, here we are. And I do feel blessed to be their mother! I love reading your blog Britt. It is such an inspiration to me and to others! I love you!
This breaks my heart. Thanks for the change in perspective. I hope your day gets happier. That's my 5 year old's favorite thing to say too!
i'm with you, it's NOT fair. and anytime you want to join me on the floor kicking and screaming come on down,I'm down here waiting! but until then, know your little friend in this little town, on this great big mountain LOVES you and prays for you always
Britt, I am still here thinking about you everyday. I continue to learn from you and your perspective and gospel lessons. I agree with you that it is not fair that you don't have your little buddy there so you are chasing 4 around instead of 3. I really wish you did! But I do know that Daxton is doing a great work in heaven and continues to here, too. I know he ( and you) have taught me,a and keep teaching me, more than you will ever know. Thank you forever for that.
FYI, Rylie loves to use the "it's not fair" phrase daily, too. It must be a 5 year old thing to say!
Love you!
Britt, I agree with you sometimes, life is not fair. It's not fair that you try your best, and sometimes you feel that you still get the shaft on life. I love you tons, you have a good perspective about finding the "positive" because you really can get so upset about the "unfairness" of life. Have a wonderful week! Isabella is getting so big I'm sure. I can't wait to see your girls and you and Doug this summer.
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