Every once in awhile we lose a baby in the NICU. Actually they usually happen in threes. Most of the time I am ok. They usually aren't my patient and I am usually not there when it happens. And not that ANY mother should EVER lose their child, some babies are just too early to really survive. Really.
However, every once in awhile one comes in and will just tear up your heart and rip it to shreds. First time moms. Second time moms. Families with a mom AND a dad (yes it is rare that there are both). It is truly heartbreaking. It isn't supposed to happen to the "good" families who will take their babies home and give them a "home." Who will love their baby and provide a good home. It just isn't.
These moms don't know that when they wake up in the morning they will be losing their baby. They will likely feel them kick, move around, flip circles. They will likely have been up all night because their baby was moving to much. They have no idea the grief, sorrow, and physical pain they are about to feel. My heart truly bleeds for these mothers.
I wish it weren't so. I wish that I had all the answers. I wish that I could take each of these moms in my arms and tell them that they are loved, that their baby is in a "better" place, that it is God's will. But how can I? Right now they are in the darkness and despair of losing a child. I don't know it is my place. (as a nurse) I don't know if they will be receptive to what I have to say. I don't know if they will even hear me.
This is why I didn't sleep very good today. We lost one last night. And my heart aches for that mother. My co worker told me that if I lost sleep every night that a mother lost a baby, I would be one tired girl. She is right. I know. But still. It hurts. Please pray for this mom and so many others that continually lose their babies to most tragic circumstances.
PS go here for Daxton's story
http://www.azcentral.com/12news/news/articles/2009/08/03/20090803B12Filler0804.html
2 comments:
It means SO much to us that some of Gavin's favorite nurses still keep in contact with us. In a way, they are really the only ones who truly *get it*. It meant a lot to see them at his funeral, and to receive cards and emails from them. Some still comment on his blog from time to time.
I know I told you before that I wished our nurse had been different the night Gavin died, because she was so indifferent. She simply disappeared without a word after he died. Perhaps that is just how she deals...but I really wish we had had a nurse say *something* to us, at least try to offer some comfort. A hug, a sorrowful glance, anything!
I think sometimes nurse delves into counselor, especially when its late at night and the real counselors aren't available. I would def encourage nurses to say whats in their heart. Let the parents know you felt honored to care for their child. Tell them their family is beautiful and it shouldn't have happened to them. Let them know you ache for them. Sometimes its the words from those who aren't "family and friends" that mean the most.
Beautiful Britt. I love you!
Aim
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