What I didn't get to say- to the reporter

To my readers: Today I met with a very nice reporter who is going to tell Daxton's story. I hope that she got the answers that she was looking for and that she will write an appropriate summary of our discussion.

To the reporter: I hope that you were able to find what you were looking for. There were so many thoughts as I left you today. I wanted to make sure that you got all your questions answered and I am not sure that you did. So here are my thoughts on paper, they work better this way. At least I think so. The pressure of saying the right thing the first time is off because I have a little key known as the "delete" button and it works well. :)

Here is the 'story' from the beginning.

Daxton was born on May 31, 2007. He was the most beautiful baby in the entire world. I have posted my most precious memories on a different blog and you can feel free to visit at www.daxtonsbox.blogspot.com

We were out of town when the accident happened. It was obviously tragic to say the very least. We came from out of town and went straight to the hospital. I can't even begin to describe walking into the room where my son lay silently. I just can't. I referred to the loss as losing my right arm. I had. I have. I lost my right arm. My baby. He was literally attached to me. In every sense. I carried him on my hip. I carried him in my sling. I carried him everywhere. He crawled to me when he wasn't in my arms. He loved me and I him. And then suddenly, he was gone. I held him. I cried. I sobbed. My heart broken. Where do you even begin? Where do you even pick up the pieces? And can you? Those were some of my thoughts.

You asked what my thoughts were when I walked into the room. When I saw him. There really aren't any words. I can't even begin to describe the sorrow and loss. You truly don't know unless you have been there and I hope that you or someone you know NEVER are. It is horrible. It is tragic. It is hard. But here I am. A year later. I never thought that time would go on. I never thought I would see a year later. Not because I was suicidal, but because how could life go on? How could I begin to care about the price of bananas again? My world was turned upside down.

The details of Daxton's death are truly irrelevant unless I want to become an advocate for Parents for Window Blind Safety and honestly, I have found something else to fill the void if you will. The truth is that he is gone. It was his time. Perhaps not from my perspective, but he had completed his mission or time on earth.

At the hospital, they were wonderful. They did the best they could with what they had. I wanted to help to give back to families who were going through the same thing I have. I wanted to help them in some small way. I also needed to help myself. I am not going to lie. I needed something to occupy my time. I got wind of a nurse at the hospital about starting a Daxton Box and I instantly thought of my brother who was doing his Eagle Project. We sat down and talked about what we wanted to put into the box. We wrote our little notes to the families. You can get more details about what is in the box and why at www.daxtonsbox.blogspot.com.

We began fundraising at church. We had many generous donations from family, friends, neighbors, people I didn't even know, and my blogging world friends (thanks again yall). With those funds, I hand picked blankets, stuffed animals, cameras, and spent over 50 hours alone sewing and hemming 75/100 of the blankets.

I continued delving into many projects. We talked about this. About my different projects. I am not too good on the spot. I began sewing blankets for my baby girl ( I was 7 weeks pregnant with my 4th child Isabella. I forgot to mention her) and I crocheted around the edges. It took hours of my free time. It was AWESOME!! I learned how to make bows. I made 2 diaper bags. It was intense. We redid our playroom. I scrubbed my house top to bottom every week. It was amazing how much free time I had when the girls were in school. I began blogging. Faithfully. It was and has been SO therapeutic. I have met so many people who have been so supportive and faithful readers of my ramblings.

Then Isabella was born in January. 6 months after Daxton passed away. It was incredible healing. To have my arms full with a baby again. Of course I still felt the loss. In fact, there were times when the loss was extremely poignant after she was born. I mourned almost all over again. I was supposed to have 3. I have a family of 5 from the outside looking in. But my family has 6. I have 4 children, yet I can only see 3 of them. This was and sometimes is the hardest part for me.

A year later: I am doing better. I have filled my time and my arms for the most part with the joys that I see in front of me. There was a time when I didn't think I would be able to smile or laugh or live again. I am glad that I don't feel that way anymore. I have days where I still fall on the floor (literally) and cry from the physical and emotional pain that I feel from the loss of my precious little angel. But I am coping. Hopefully I am helping others. Hopefully Daxton's story has touched the hears of many and that his death was not in vain. Actually I know his story has touched many. I know he lives on in all our hearts. I know that his mission was complete.

I hope that you have found what you need. You can go back to the beginning of this blog to June 9, 2008 and find more information that you could ever have dreamed of needing. I know that you will do a great job. I know that it will be tasteful, touching, and will be a great story (but then I am biased :)) I wish you the best of luck and can't wait to see what you have come up with. Thank you for your time and for telling our story. If you have any other questions, you can email me. You will find it under my profile. Or you can just leave a comment. Actually, if you do happen upon this, would you leave a comment?