I wish that things were different. I wish that there wasn't a 4.5 year gap between Isabella and Mikenna. I wish that there were a baby for Isabella to play with. I wish there was another baby to make me want to pull my hair out. I wish that Daxton was here to play with his cousins. I wish that I had my little man to snuggle and kiss his toes. I wish today that I was going crazy trying to take care of 4 kids instead of just 3.
Is he really gone? Will I really never see him again in this mortal life? Did he really live? Did he really come into my heart and leave so abruptly that my heart aches so much for him I just want to crawl into a hole?
It seems I take 3 steps forward and one step back. No amount of reading an enchanting book will take away the pain I have felt in my heart lately. I am so blessed to have my little girls, to have my husband, but I really miss my Daxton. I often wonder what he would have looked like. I wonder what his personality would be like. What things would he like? Would he like Cars and Spiderman like Savannah? Or would he like Barbies and coloring with Mikenna :)?
I know he is near. He is never to far away from my heart, but I still miss him.
7 comments:
I am so sorry. I wish thing were different for you. ((hugs))
I love you Britt. It's been fun seeing you this past week and hanging out with you. It's been fun being around your girls. I've loved holding Isabella, my arms have ached these past few weeks to hold a baby. I should have been holding one of my own this last week. I loved helping Savannah and Mikenna. I had fun playing cards. I love your family. Thank you for a wonderful week!
I have been feeling these same things about Lucy. But I can say to you (and to myself)--Yes, he lived and loved you and will always be with you...he LIVES and LOVES you. I wish I could say you will see him again in mortality--maybe you will one day years and years from now. But you WILL see him again... eventually. The waiting is so hard. It is so hard and so unfair. I miss his toes for you. I'm so sorry.
Just want you to know I am thinking about you today. These last few days have been so hard for me too. Family, Fourth of July, Reunions all of the things Loughlin loved.
So hard without him here.
Kendalee
{Hugs} I keep hoping that we will see him in Mortality. . . meaning I wish the second coming would happen sooner rather than later:) Much love. Just no that your heart is on the other side with mine:) I want to think that our kids are up there routing us on together.
Oh Brit, I know. I know. I feel the exact same. You WILL see him again, I know it. Because I know that I'll see Jack again...if only "someday" was an actual date to look forward to.
One day we will be with all our loved ones that have gone before us. Remember:"DO NOT LET YOUR HEARTS BE TROUBLED. TRUST IN GOD; TRUST ALSO IN ME. IN MY FATHER'S HOUSE ARE MANY ROOMS; IF IT WERE NOT SO, I WOULD HAVE TOLD YOU. I AM GOING THERE TO PREPARE A PLACE FOR YOU. AND IF I GO AND PREPARE A PLACE FOR YOU, I WILL COME BACK AND TAKE YOU TO BE WITH ME THAT YOU ALSO MAY BE WHERE I AM." Britt, one day you will be there with Daxton and hold him forever. I FEEL YOUR PAIN; I am very sorry.
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