"I might go back then"

Last night at work we were discussing "If I could go back and do it all over" when would I go back, how far, and why? I reflected....


I had a great time in college, fun, fantsy free, only myself to worry about. Had some great roommates, learned a lot about myself, made some lifelong friends, and renewed old family relationships :). I might go back then.


When I met my husband. Head over heels in love. Googly eyes and all. It seemed so simple back then as well. I might go back then.


Savannah was born and I felt the love of a mother. To learn, to grow, to be her caregiver and mom. Well we have come a long way. I think I might not go back then :).


Mikenna was born.... ya she cried until she was 9 months and I almost pulled all my hair out and Doug's. She is 5 now and I am not sure I would go back to then either :). We have come a long way.


It is fun to have little girls running around. To see their personalities develop and to grow, even if they are too much like me and we don't always see eye to eye (ok NEVER!!!, grin). I love to see them learning new things, to have friends, to want to do things with friends, to have conversations with them when I lay by them. They continue to develop into cute little big people.


One year, 9 days, and 5 months ago. I would go back in two seconds. I would do it all over again. The joy that Daxton brought into my home will not be long forgotten. He was loved on, doted on, taken care of by his sisters, daddy, uncles, aunts, friends, and of course, me. Even if I new that I was going to lose him at 1 year and 9 days, I wouldn't change one moment of the time I spent with him. The old adage, it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Well as my broken heart mends, I can contemplate this thought. I would lose him all over again if it would mean I would have at least 1 year and 9 days with my baby boy. Yes, I would go back then. That is actually where I would go first.


Now, lest you be led astray, I am not sure I could do the last 5 months over again. So I would rewind the 1 year, 9 days, and 5 months, and then skip over that last part.