Last year it was really hard because it was Daxton's first Christmas in Heaven. However, we were surrounded by love and support and still in the "cocoon" of grief.
This year is a little different. It is his second year in Heaven. We have all the presents bought and wrapped and placed carefully under the Christmas tree. But something is missing. All the little boy toys, the cars, the trucks, the annoying bouncey balls and footballs, the tiny shoes and cute long sleeve button ups and polos.... all the things a little boy loves.
I look around at the little boys who are the same age as Daxton would be and sometimes my heart breaks into a million pieces. I know that it wasn't meant to be for Daxton to be here, but it doesn't make it any easier.
I have been to the store time and again, looking for the perfect flowers, the perfect item, the perfect arrangement to put on Daxton's grave. Alas, there is nothing good enough.
Last week on our long run we were just a mile away from where he lays. I wanted so badly to and run over to see him. But what I really want to do is put my arms around him, hold him, kiss him, squeeze him, feel his warm little body next to mine. Alas, it is not meant to be. Someday, just not today.
Tonight a friend asked me how I was doing this year. With Daxton gone. I am grateful for her. For her thoughtfulness. For remembering Daxton. And remembering it is hard.
6 comments:
I put Finn in time-out today. He looked at me so cute, with his fake-sad little blue eyes and I just couldn't keep him there. I thought of you and how you would have done the same thing for Daxton.
I dropped by to see you last week, but you guys weren't home.
I don't know how much you've got going on during the holidays, but we'd love to see you.
Hugs and kisses.
Not the right post, but I had to say I am snorting and laughing deliriously over the video of Isabella break dancing! It is 3am and I can't sleep from being sick ALL day/night throwing up...so I am probably a lil delirious to begin with...but love it! I kept imagining Daxton doing it...lol, love those lil boys. HUG. Can't wait to see you all in Jan!
I feel the same way about seven-year-old girls. If you ever need a fix, Hyrum's here. I know it's not the same.
And that friend of yours never called me . . . Hope she's doing ok.
brit...thanks for having me over. i really had fun. so my phone is totally lame! It is not working all of a sudden~
Love You Britt, More than you know.
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Miss you. Love you. Hoping you do get the moments you want/need to curl up with a good book and read :-) I hope you know you are thought of often far away in frozen Provo! We love you! Hope to visit soon!
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