Strawberries. Jam. Strawberries. Jam.

Ya.... so last night we spent 8 hours making freezer jam and freezing strawberries. I think we do it for the "bonding" experience. Or something. At about 10pm, I looked at my mom and said, "I think we do this because we think it is 'fun'." To which she replied, "Well, are we having fun yet?"

I think "fun" is overrated at this point. But we did end up with about 66 pints, what is that, like 13 gallons of strawberry jam and like 27 pounds of frozen strawberries. Seriously. Where am I going to put it all. Luckily, we were splitting it up in 3 ways, but still. Seriously.

So today in Primary the President pulled me aside and asked if I would bear my testimony of the ressurection. This year the theme is 'My Eternal Family.' And this month we are learning about the Saviour and His life and ministry. Today we talked about the Atonement. From the time He was in the Garden of Gethsemane until He came to the Americas to see the Nephites. We talked about how He suffered and bled from every pore in the Garden for our sins and sorrows. This is a new meaning for me, because I know that there is ONE person who knows exactly how I feel, and that is Jesus Christ.

We also talked about how He was hung on the cross with nail in His hands and feet, how He suffered so much there. And then when He was taken to the tomb and Mary came to find Him and did not see Him there. She saw a gardener and asked where Jesus was. The gardener replied that it was Him, her Lord and Savior.

Jesus Christ was ressurected. My son will be ressurected. I will see him again. I will raise him. I will be with him and I will NEVER let him out of my sight. Sometimes I miss him so much it hurts my soul. I was reading of the 'earlier' days in my grief. I used to write in a journal every day of all of my thoughts. I keep it by my bedside and read it occasionally. The entries begin to trickle from every day to every couple of days to every week to every month and so on. It had been awhile since I picked it up.

I wanted to see how far I had come. Have I made any 'progress' in this journey of grief? I don't know. Lately I feel kind of 'blah.' That is about the only way I can describe it. I stay mostly busy doing mom stuff, taking care of kids, the house, the husband :), working, and the daily P90X workout that truly keeps me SO busy. And tired. I don't really have much time to 'think' about my grief, but that doesn't mean it isn't ALWAYS there. I think of Daxton all the time. All. The. Time.

So today, I took a picture of our family. I pointed to Daxton's picture and told the kiddos that this was my son. He died. I told them that I knew that one day I would see him again, but that I needed to choose the right. I love him. I miss him. I will do all that I can to be with him again.