"New" to the "club"

I posted a comment on my "Angel" blog and it was so long and awesome... (if I do say so myself) I thought I would post it here :)

It's been 2.5 years now since Daxton died. I am not sure you ever forget how your little ones die and I don't think that you ever stop reliving the circumstances that bring them to the point of leaving us on this earth.

But. It does get easier. It doesn't hurt less. It just hurts less often. I remember countless sleepless nights crying myself to sleep, reliving the nightmare known as my life.

I also remember starting this blog and seeing all those who were 2 and 3 years out and I thought... there is no way they can know the pain I am feeling right now. But you know what? I do. I know that pain that is all to familiar. The never wanting to get out of bed and facing another day because without my little one what was the point?

But I had 2 other kids at the time and they are the ones that helped me to get out bed. Still are let's be honest.

There are a few things I have learned over the last 2.5 years in dealing with my grief.

1. It is VERY easy to go back.

2. The "what ifs" will eat you alive. They will poison your very soul and bring you nothing but some serious misery.

3. The hurt NEVER goes away, and it doesn't lessen per se, but it does come less frequently. It does get easier to breathe. It does get easier to live.

4. The enabling power of the atonement of our Savior is real. It is the only way I have been able to survive the last 2.5 years without my little Daxton. At times when I think I can't go on, there is a power that helps me take one more step, one more time, and then another.

5. You are NOT ALONE. There are many who have gone before us who have endured such a loss and survived. It isn't easy, and it isn't worth it. But we can do this. We can live through this. And we can become better people for it.

6. NO ONE KNOWS. I don't know how you feel or how Stephanie feels or how Molly feels or how Tiffany feels, but my Savior does. He knows EXACTLY how I am feeling.

7. Father in Heaven loves us. Look at all the amazing women I never would have met (and that certainly would have been ok, but if I have to be driving the same car as all of us, then I couldn't have chosen a better group). He has placed so many wonderful people in my life I could never count them all. And for that I am truly blessed.

And those are a few things I would say, If you were new to my club.....