Sugar Baby

My aunt sent me this email about my cousin.

"Just wanted to share with you a little story from my daughter. In her Teen Living class, they were assigned to care for a 10 pound flour or sugar baby for a week. We decided to use a sugar bag (more compact and sweeter). She decorated it with blue patterned paper and attached the cutest little boy face. It was Daxton! Everyone loved her baby and begged to take turns holding him."

It brought a smile to my face and was just what I needed today. I am glad he is still remembered. I hope it will always be. Oh how my heart aches for my little man. I love my girls, but my little man filled my heart to the brim when he came and left a big hole when he left.

Babies

Today my dad told me a story of a woman who had lost her child who was stillborn. He was holding Isabella and asked if I thought it would be hard for a mother who had lost her child to hold a newborn. It was a genuine question, with no ill will. One might think that the mother would be comforted in holding a newborn even though it was not her own. I couldn't really answer that question.

My answer went something like this:

I can only gage it by how I feel. By what I have experienced and by what others have told me they felt around other little ones after theirs had passed away. Sometimes certain babies remind me of Daxton and it is those babies that make my heart sad. That make it want to burst and scream just like I did when I got the "call."

I had that experience today. I saw a little one. The resemblance to Daxton was truly uncanny. I had to go inside. I had to leave. It was almost suffocating. This mom's arms were full of her sweet little boy and my arms were empty of my sweet little boy. I don't begrudge this mother. She has suffered a loss not so different from mine. But my heart still hurt nonetheless.

I can't answer how the mother who lost her stillborn child would react to a newborn baby, but I can answer for me. As of late, I haven't felt the heart ripping out of my chest, but a sort of numbness. I don't know which I prefer. I have been busy with Isabella, I am not going to lie, but that doesn't mean that I don't wish I had a toddler running around also causing me sleep deprivation.

Isabella update # 3

I must beg for forgiveness.... it is REALLY hard to take a picture EVERY single day. We did the best we could, some days were better than others for many different reasons on SO many levels. But it was really fun to do for 30 days. I need to upload the last 3 days, but as soon as I get them, I will be sure to post them for all to see!

Day 17

Day 18
Don't you just LOVE LOVE LOVE the little bracelets?

Day 19
So sweet. I love this blanket. I made it and my good friend crocheted around it. Thanks TRISH!

Day 20

Our little princesses. Mikenna is a good baby tender and Savannah loves to play with baby sister. The other day I jumped into the shower and Savannah tended Isabella for about 30 minutes. It was so great. She kept asking me, "Are you almost done?" and I of course kept telling her yes, just a second.... and then she peed on Savannah. Oh poor Sav. She about flipped a gasket and tossed Isabella over her lap. Ok almost. I caught her just in time.

Day 21
OK. Naked baby pics are my TOTAL fave!!! Well almost naked.

Day 22
I love it when they cry... except when it is in the middle of the night. But this picture is adorable.

Day 23
Ya I must say that I make some awfully cute babies. But then I am VERY biased.

Day 25
We went to the train park and this is how I took her. It was like 80 degrees outside.... so we shed the snow suit. LOL

Day 27

I can't believe how quickly the time goes. They get big too fast. My dad was telling me of one of his co workers who just had a baby 9 weeks ago. The baby has doubled its weight and grown 5 inches. We weighed Isabella today and she was 9.5 pounds. Wow!!!!!