Why bad things happen to good people

I don't know why said "bad things happen to good people." There is so much tragedy and sorrow all around us. Is it fair? Is it fair that some people suffer more than others? That some people go through life without any faith breaking experiences while some are tried and tried and tried? Is it fair that a mother lose her child and then another? How can that be fair? What is supposed to be learned from a repeated experience that wasn't learned the first time?

I have several friends experiencing really hard times. Two of them have husbands just diagnosed with terminal cancer, another's husband recently committed suicide, another has been battling breast cancer for years with small children, and a dear friend who lost her son to a tragic accident just miscarried at 20 weeks. How do we suffer through our trials and come out on top? How do we make it through the bad times?

I don't have the answers to all these questions. I don't even know where to begin. Since Daxton passed away there seems to be children all around me suffering or being taken back to their Father in Heaven. It is like driving a new car around for the first time, all the Toyota minivans out there now stand out in the same color that you are driving. It seems Father in Heaven is getting ready for something big in Heaven, because I know of at least 25 little angels that have been taken away this summer alone, and those are just the ones I know about.

I don't know how each of these mothers and fathers or spouses or sisters or brothers get up in the morning only to face a new day of heartache to suffer through their trial, but I can speak for myself. There isn't a moment, hour, or day that goes by I don't thank Father in Heaven for the two blessed girls I have on this earth or the angel son I will some day raise in a perfect world. There isn't a day that goes by I don't pray to face another day without Daxton, that I pray for peace to fill my soul that I might not go crazy with all the "what ifs" or new memories we are creating without Daxton. So I guess the one thing that helps me most... is prayer.

Also, all the support from friends and family and fellow bloggers (all of you) who check in on me to see how we are doing, who give up your time, talents, and caramel apples, just to bring a smile to my face. My girls, who get me up each morning to brush teeth, make lunches, get dressed and ready for school. Or who snuggle me when I just need a warm body to hold. My husband who helps me get through the morning when I don't want to get out of bed. He takes care of the girls until I feel like I can face the daily hullabaloo, he holds me when I cry, he shares the grief with me whether silently or openly.

I rely on my Savior. There isn't anyone in this world who knows exactly how I feel. Each mother who has lost a child grieves differently. The only person who knows how I feel is my Savior. He grieves with me. He loves me. He takes care of my baby while I cannot see him. He didn't only suffer for my sins, but for my sorrows as well, and boy did He shed a drop of blood or two for the heartache I have felt. For that I will be eternally grateful.

Empty

Sometimes I just don't feel like posting, but I know that I should. I want to someday publish this blog and save it for future generations.... or just my own kids as a record.

Today Mikenna brought home a picture she had drawn at school of "baby sister" and Daxton. She has drawn circles around them. She was quite proud of them.

I went to Home Depot the other day and I walked down the Christmas isle (I am a sucker for Christmas decorations) and I completely lost it. I don't want Christmas to come. I don't want the holidays to come. I wish they would just go away all together. It will just be a reminder of what I had last year and don't have this year.

Well friends, that is all I got for today. Maybe there will be something more profound in there tomorrow, but for now good night.

Halloween Costumes

So I don't know how many or you are magic seamstresses or the very creative type.... but I AM SO NOT!!! Every once in awhile I get the notion to "be crafty." Well since I have the unfortunate blessing of having SO much time on my hands, I have picked up a few things.

This year I thought it would be SUPER fun to make Halloween costumes. I had been eyeing some scrubs at the store and thought that that would be fun to make the girls nurses for Halloween. So I roped my friend Trisha into it and we took the kids to buy the fabric.

NOTE: PICK IT OUT FOR THEM... YOU WON'T LIKE WHAT THEY PICK

Savannah picked 'Thomas the Tank Engine' (VERY HIDEOUS), but she loves it. If you ask her what she will is going to be for Halloween, she says, "Thomas the choo choo train." She gets funny looks until I tell them that is what is on her scrubs. A nod of understanding follows.

Mikenna picked out a cute flower pattern... well I talked her into it :). Janey picked out Strawberry Shortcake and said, "Well at least it isn't hideous..... like what my friend? and she says, "Thomas." And Parker of course chose "Cars."

So we began our endeavor of cutting patterns and pinning and sewing. At 4am on Saturday morning, the costumes were complete. Thanks to Kisha and my Grandma (THEY ARE THE SHIZ!!!!!) We couldn't have done it without them. And no folks I don't have a picture. Seriously? I know. Soon, very soon.

The girls all looked adorable and they LOVE LOVE LOVE their scrubs. Which is handy now that they have a pair because I have a BUNCH. And it helps Mikenna wants to be a nurse when she gets big :).