GIRLS TRIP!! (with kids)

Well Doug up and left me for work in Austin.... couldn't have that can I? So we are off to Heber with my mom and a few friends. It will be fun... I hope. I won't have access to a computer so I won't be posting until Tuesday. If you live in town, will you visit Daxton's grave on Sunday evening? I won't be here. It is marked with flowers and hopefully a marker (or I will seriously raise *&^#).

TTFN

Here's to better days

I believe that I am entitled to have crabby days, sad days, days I just want to yell and scream and cry, and days that I am mad at people for no apparent reason. And then I believe that I should post those days, otherwise my fellow bloggers would think me super woman or extremely strong and courageous, and we don't want them to get the wrong idea (smile), or maybe we do (smile again).

However, I also believe that when I do post an albeit depressing, but realistic post, that I should follow it up with a more uplifting one to let friends, family, and fellow bloggers know I have pulled my head out of the water and am ready to breathe again.
As I was scrapbooking pages last night of Daxton's life, I was listening to the funeral (yes, I had a good cry, got some of it out) and as I listened to my dad's talk, his words touched me like they have the many times I have listened to it before. He says (and I paraphrase) that this is a trial that I (he) has been given and while it is not one he would have chosen for any of us, with all that he has been taught, with all that he has been blessed, now is the time to cling to the gospel truths he has been taught his whole life, to realize the blessings that have been given him and the many times his life has been spared. Now is the time to look back on our lives and see how we have grown to rely on the Spirit and trust in our Father in Heaven.

I know I have been blessed. I know that the hand of my Father in Heaven has been in my life at the times when I needed Him most, even when I needed Him less, He has always been there. Someday when I am an old lady, sitting in my rocking chair with my old lady girlfriends, we will look back at this period of our lives and realize that there were only one set of footprints in the sand. We will also realize that there really are angels among us, that Daxton was here to walk beside us when we felt we couldn't go on, to give us an encouraging word or push or pull.
I know that day will come when I will wrap my arms around my little angel boy and we will exchange many stories and create many memories.... I just hope that day comes sooner rather than later :).

loves to all

The Fog

So the last few days have been a blur. Sometimes I think that if I just ripped my heart out it would hurt less. I think, how is this fair? How can I really be one kid short? I still wake up in the morning hoping that it is all a bad dream. It is not.

I was talking with a friend the other night and said, "Sometimes I just don't want to get out of bed, it would just be easier to stay there." To which she replied, "Is that better? Does it work?" I thought about it, "No, not really. I wouldn't get anything done and I am sure that by the end of the day I wouldn't feel any better about myself." So we concluded that we still need to get up and get showered to help us get through the day. Lying in bed all day, despite how good it might sound, is worse than actually getting out of bed and facing reality.

Hopefully the fog will let up soon and I won't have to drag myself to the gym. It makes me feel good, but is really embarrassing at the end of a workout when I have tears streaming down my face.

Heres to a better day tomorrow