TiMe

Time is an interesting phenomena. It is relative. It is long. It is short. It is forever. It is one second.

I can't believe Isabella is 14 months.

I can't believe Savannah is 8 and I can't believe Mikenna is 6.

I can't believe I am almost 30!!!!!!

I can't believe how time is passing.

I can't believe my baby has been gone almost two years.

I lose track of time. A LOT.

I don't keep track of the months, days, and weeks Daxton has been gone. Too long, if you ask me. Seems like yesterday he died. Seems like forever ago he died. Sometimes it feels like he is still here.

One of my friends recently lost her baby. A stillborn. I have been through grief. I am going through grief. Sometimes I don't understand it. Sometimes I want to. Sometimes I don't.

I should have words to bring comfort to this mother. To this father. But I don't. Right now, words don't help. Only deep, seemingly unending grief. Pray for them. They need it. Like I did. Like I do.

April Fools or No?

Bless all of you who faithfully read my blog!

Thank you to all of you who called, emailed, posted a comment to congratulate me! I sure do appreciate ALL of you.

April Fools is a funny day, don't you think? You can tell a whopping lie or a little lie. But a lie is still a lie.

Reminds me of the time that my brother got hit by a car on April Fools Day 18 years ago. Wow has it been that long? I remember stepping off the bus to my neighbor picking us up when I was in about 5th grade. He told me my brother had been hit by a car. I of course thought it was a great (albeit VERY disturbing) April Fools. So I was not to be tricked.

I got home and saw a number of people who I hadn't seen in quite some time rallying around, bringing us food, making sure we were taken care of. My aunt and uncle who lived on the west side were there. I thought to myself, "Wow, my mom is REALLY going all out on this one." I called her work and she wasn't there. Wow really? My mom is GOOD!!! I still didn't believe that it was April Fools joke until I talked to my dad who was at the hospital with my brother. The same hospital that I work at today..... AWESOME!

Well being hit by a car wasn't awesome. He ended up being ok, although to this day sometimes we wonder :). LOVE Ya!~

So April Fools wasn't full of jokes that day.

Yesterday I had many congratulations, text conversations, not really swinging to one of the other side and being "cryptic" as Amy said. One of my friends even came over and gave me a congratulations hug.... ( I was thinking... for what?) and then another group of friends called and asked, How far along are you? TO which I replied, Just barely. This is an interesting answer for me, because I dont' usually tell until I am about 5 months along.... until people start to wonder if I am just gaining weight or really am pregnant.

Alas I must come clean (sheepishly). I am NOT pregnant. It was APRIL FOOLS!

PS: We are hoping to add one more, just not in 10 months :) so Jen, if you wouldn't mind.... I would LOVE to take those clothes off yer hands.

PPS: Please don't be mad if I white lied to you :) It was after all APRIL FOOLS!!!

Announcement?

We have been pondering lately if we should have another one. Should we wait? Should we just do it now? It will likely be my last. Kinda sad.

I know it will rock Isabella's world. Her whole world is all about her. I mean whose isn't, right?

She is such a sweetie. I just love her. Sometimes I get a pang in my heart knowing that she won't have an older brother on this earth playing with her, running around with her, keeping an eye out for her, riding in the back of the trailer and pulling her hair while I get exercise on my bike.... just kinda stinks.

But what do you do? You keep going. You move on. You take one day at a time..... until

You find out you are expecting YOUR LAST baby!!!!

On to # 5.

love ya!