All y'all

I have thought a lot about friends lately. I was talking or emailing rather a very good friend from high school and the thought occurred to me that I hadn't had any contact with this particular friend for about 3 or 4 months back when Isabella was born. That is quite a long time. But I guess the good news is that we can just pick up where we left off.

My mom is always saying how she doesn't have any friends (well we all know that isn't true, see previous post for her bday). I do think she has a point. As we get older and more involved with our children (and get more children) and their lives and needs and wants, our friends get put on the back burner. This is quite unfortunate actually because I really like my friends and I have a lot of REALLY good ones. If you don't believe me, just ask them. :)

It isn't that I don't think you all aren't important, it is just that time passes by so quickly I don't realize that it is has been so long since I have seen or spoken to you. This leads me to thinking that the blogging world and email and texting are SO great, since it the main form of communication between most of my friends, relatives, etc.

There is something about sitting at my computer pouring over your blogs, checking my email and responding, or occasionally texting to check in on you. Maybe we are still keeping in contact, it is just that our form of communication is different. Instead of hanging out at your house or chatting on the phone, we have been introduced to new forms of technology that allow us to keep in touch.

Whatever it is, I hope that I can be a better friend to you. Thanks for listening or reading rather. It is probably a bunch of nonsense, but that is what you get from a sleep deprived mama.

Testimony

A testimony is a manifestation of the truthfulness of the gospel. It defines the foundation of our beliefs and is a way for us to testify to others and to help our testimonies be strengthened and to help others as well.

On Sunday we went to church with Doug's family and a few of the cousins, aunts, and uncles got up to bear their testimonies. Savannah decided in her mind that she wanted to go up and bear her testimony. She turned to uncle Shawn whom she asked to take her up to the stand in the meeting. He stated that it would be a good idea for her to ask her aunt Melissa (his wife). So she gave Melissa her puppy dog brown eyes and she took her up to bear her testimony.

It went something like this, "I want to bear my testimony. I know this church is true. I love my mom and dad.... (pause for a thought to come to her) and Isabella and Daxton."

I know that she meant to put Mikenna in there somewhere. Anyway, it brought tears to my eyes. For so many reasons. I am grateful that my children can have testimonies and be able to share them with others. Savannah is a hoot. And we love her :).

I wish

I wish that things were different. I wish that there wasn't a 4.5 year gap between Isabella and Mikenna. I wish that there were a baby for Isabella to play with. I wish there was another baby to make me want to pull my hair out. I wish that Daxton was here to play with his cousins. I wish that I had my little man to snuggle and kiss his toes. I wish today that I was going crazy trying to take care of 4 kids instead of just 3.

Is he really gone? Will I really never see him again in this mortal life? Did he really live? Did he really come into my heart and leave so abruptly that my heart aches so much for him I just want to crawl into a hole?

It seems I take 3 steps forward and one step back. No amount of reading an enchanting book will take away the pain I have felt in my heart lately. I am so blessed to have my little girls, to have my husband, but I really miss my Daxton. I often wonder what he would have looked like. I wonder what his personality would be like. What things would he like? Would he like Cars and Spiderman like Savannah? Or would he like Barbies and coloring with Mikenna :)?

I know he is near. He is never to far away from my heart, but I still miss him.