A little behind

I am going to try to get my 30 gratefuls in the next few weeks so that means I better get on it!

My friend Jenny challenged us to write what we thought our lives were going to be when we were growing up. Here goes:

All growing up, I was going to be a doctor. I was going to major in Chemistry because I had an AWESOME chemistry teacher in high school. In fact, he is so awesome that he got a "best teacher" award just this last year. He was great. I digress.

I was going to go to Ricks (BYU-I) because it was the furthest away I could get from home without paying out of state tuition. I was going to transfer to ASU and finish out my degree and then go to the University of Utah medical school to study Pediatric Oncology. I wasn't going to get married until after med school and kids were the furthest thing from my mind. It wasn't that I didn't want to be a mother, I just wanted to WAIT. A. LONG. TIME.

And then I graduated high school. I went to Ricks, met the man of my dreams, married him after I graduated from with my Associates, went to BYU (for him) with him. I went to UVSC and dutifully took a lot of my prereqs for Med school. I was one determined mama. That is until I actually became a mama, using two forms of birth control (can I say that on my blog?), and 9 months later Savannah was born (I already did that post :)).

I continued with my pre med prereqs and actually finished them all. I even started studying for the MCAT. Took a few tests. Checked out some med schools. I wasn't going to give up easy. NO. Not me. I took Savannah to class. I fed her through a tube while I studied.

Doug graduated from BYU. I didn't. Doug got a job. Then we moved to Texas. My favorite place on earth. It was such a great place. They say that Texas is awesome. They say that the people in Texas are different. They fly their own flag everywhere. Texas pride is great. And they have good reason for it. We loved Texas. In fact, we have our own little piece of Texas in our family. Mikenna was born in Texas. She was a blessing in our lives. She taught Savannah to walk. She taught Savannah to talk. She taught Savannah to fight. She taught Savannah to eat and to start taking care of her. It was awesome. Mikenna is pretty awesome.

I had two kids and they were like twins. It was hard. But I guess I don't remember really how hard it was. Then we moved back "home." I enrolled at the community college to finish what I had started. Kind. Of. I decided that my path was not going to be med school at this time. It was a sad, hard, heart braking decision. Still is. So I took some prereqs for nursing. And I applied to nursing school. I got it. Awesome. 16 months later I was a nurse. I taught my girls to say, "Mommy's a nurse." It was pretty cute when they were 4 and 2.

I graduated 9 months prego with my first boy, Daxton Douglas Kunz. We were so excited. We had a few scares while I was prego with him, but it all turned out ok..... 1 year and 9 days later my world shattered, my heart broke into a million pieces, and a little piece was of me was buried in the Mariposa Cemetery. I am not grateful for my trial. Not. At. All. I never will be. But I am grateful for the lessons I have learned, for the people I have met, and I spose I am a better person for it.

8 months later, Isabella began to heal a little piece of my heart a little bit at a time. I delivered her in the same hospital as Daxton, in the same OR, across the same bed spot in the recovery room, with the same nurses I had had just 19 months earlier. But she was new. She filled the void in my arms. She filled a small piece of my heart. She filled my time during the day. She brings joy to my soul, peace to my mind, and I just love her. She is spoiled. Rotten. And that's ok with me.

In May of this year, we got pregnant again. But just 12 weeks later, it was over. Grrrr. And here we are. I am a mother. It is the hardest job ever. I am the doctor, the nurse, the therapist, the mediator, the entertainer, the cook, the cleaner, the nose wiper, and you know what? I don't mind it. Most of the time I love it. It's true. I love being a mom. Even if its hard. I am grateful I could be a mom. And that's my story.

Early Mornings

About 10 months ago, I was training for the Sedona marathon. I did the last run. 20 miles. 20 miles. Did you read that right? 20 miles. It was awesome. And horrible. And awesome. And hard. And Awesome.

Then I went home, took a nap, and couldn't walk. I had IT band syndrome and bursitis in my hip. I couldn't walk. Let alone run the marathon. Let alone run for 6 months. I took all that time off. I got steroid shots, physical therapy, and I even picked up biking....

Just about every morning that I don't work, I get to head out and go for a run. I am grateful for all the running partners, canals, and many runs that I have been able to participate in. There is something unreplaceable about all the time, conversations, sweat, tears, joys, not so much joys, and secrets that are shared on the canal. What happens on the canal, stays on the canal. Just ask anyone. It's true. It's better than Vegas :).

I am grateful for the health and strength that allows me to run.

Grateful for public Servants :)

I been working the last few nights. I am so glad that I got to work 3 in a row and the Sat Sun combo. I have been in the NICU for 3.5 years and never once worked 3 in a row OR the Sat Sun combo. And here I am. Working both. Ugh. But I am just happy to have a job. Let's be honest.

Well I was able to get off work early on Sat night so I could go to church. I was stoked. On the way home I was thinking about what I was going to make for dinner, that I was going to be able to give my lesson in young womens, that I would be able to hang out with my family. I was just in another world if you will, excited that I could open up all these possibilities :).

It was busy out Sat night at 2am... just in case you were wondering. West bound I saw about 10 police officers and east bound I saw about 4 more. I was on my best behavior. Not going to lie, I have been known to do a little speeding.... shhhhh. Don't tell. But this night I was doing really good because seriously. I know I am due.... and well I would rather not be due.

I came to the light after I got off the freeway and noticed yet another police officer going west as I was headed north. I stopped at the light, noticed him, and kept pondering about what I was going to make for dinner. Actually I was thinking about why I was able to get off work. When I got home, would everything be ok? My imagination was going wild, so when I entered the middle of the intersection only to notice that half way through the light was still red...... ER. Seriously?

Yep. Whose the blonde in the sporty car running the red light in front of the police officer? Yep. That's me. He came up to my window, I immediately start in, "I can't believe I did that. I got off early (early at 2am on a Sunday morning is relative) and I am headed home. I get to go to church. Man, I even slept. I'm not even tired. Blast." All the while I am frantically searching for my registration and insurance.

I hand over my license, am told that it's not that early (early is relative....) and that I really shouldn't be running any red lights. I would indulge more information, but I suppose that may or may not be wise.

Needless to say, I didn't get a ticket. I fully expected one. I even said so.

I am grateful today that I was wearing my scrubs and badge and that he was in a good mood. :)