Well there have been some real on and off moments lately. I didn't realize the effect that having a baby in the house again would have on me. People ask how is '3?' My response is 'a lot like the last time I had 3.' And then 'awkward.' The thing is.... I know how to manage 3. I have done it once already and now I 'get' to do 3 again. I would really like to do 4 though.
You may all have heard about the woman in California who had 8 babies. Ya. Crazy. Well we were putting the girls to bed and Doug said, 'How do you think this process would go if we had 14 kids?' To which I replied, 'I would just take 4.' Let's not get too greedy here :). Anyhow, a nostalgic moment.
Some similarities and memories if you will indulge me:
Isabella lays by the girls before she goes to bed, just like Daxton.
I nurse Isabella and hold her on the couch the same way I did with Daxton.
Mikenna tends Isabella, just like she did with Daxton, but now she is bigger so she can help even more.
I read to the girls, just like I did with Daxton and the girls before bed time.
Savannah still gives the same 'not-so-soft' kisses to Isabella that she gave Daxton.
Each time I sit on my bed to pump, I look at Daxton's pictures on the wall. Maybe I should move them because I usually get weepy.
I had a brother get married a little after Daxton was born and now I have another one getting married... just a little after Isabella was born.
I bathe Isabella the same way I bathed Daxton. On the counter. And when I am through she lays there while I get ready, just like Daxton.
Isabella sleeps better than Daxton did....
We have her crib in a different section of our room. Away from the blinds...
I say 'girls'... and each time notice I didn't say 'kids.' Now I have all living girls.
Isabella is such a sweetie. It is nice to have a baby in our home again. The void for Mikenna and Savannah has been filled I think. They still always talk about Daxton, but I think their arms are less empty. They have a baby to look at in the mornings when they wake up. They have a baby to hold when they get home from school. Savannah fetches diapers and wipes to change a baby, and Mikenna gets to feed a baby and pick out her clothes and help give her a bath.
The other day, Savannah said, 'Mommy, I want to hold chubba wubba baby sister.' We called Daxton chubba wubba.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Projects
I have completed (or just started) several projects in the last 8 months. I have made blankets, both quilted and crocheted. I have made scrubs for Halloween and hooter hiders for my aunt and I. I have scoured my house many a time, decluttering, tossing out items I haven't used forever, reorganizing closets, and inventorying food storage.
My most recent project has been making 2 purses. My mother in law helped... I am not so talented. We spent the better part of two days and two nights putting them together.
After my mother in law had gone home, I was contemplating the projects I have started and completed in these past months and wondered what in the world am I thinking doing all these projects?
I finally realized why I do them..... I miss Daxton. There is a void of "time" I need to fill that would be filled if he were still here. When I do a project I am reminded that the reason I can do it is because I don't have a toddler running around that needs tending. I do projects because it occupies my mind. They keep me busy for the period of time I need them to in order to make it through one more day.
My most recent project has been making 2 purses. My mother in law helped... I am not so talented. We spent the better part of two days and two nights putting them together.
After my mother in law had gone home, I was contemplating the projects I have started and completed in these past months and wondered what in the world am I thinking doing all these projects?
I finally realized why I do them..... I miss Daxton. There is a void of "time" I need to fill that would be filled if he were still here. When I do a project I am reminded that the reason I can do it is because I don't have a toddler running around that needs tending. I do projects because it occupies my mind. They keep me busy for the period of time I need them to in order to make it through one more day.
I Knew You Could!
Doug gave me this book when I was in the hospital and I cry just about every time I read it. It is a short story and I want to share it with you (barring my carpal tunnel will allow me the time to type this all up).
I knew you could! And you knew it, too-
That you'd come out on top after all you've been through.
And from here you'l go farther and see brand-new sights.
You'll face brand-new hills that rise to new heights.
I wish I could show you the stops that you'll visit,
But that isn't my choice to make for you is it?
Instead, i can tell you some lessons and tales
That I've learned and relearned in my time on the rails.
First of all, yo muct find your own track,
So you can start right away and not be held back.
But which track is yours? Well, that all depends
On which way it's oind and where it might end.
Different racks wind around, over, under, and through,
So pick out the one that works best for you
Though the track you start out on will feel like the one,
You might take a few more before you are done.
And now, with your eyes on your new destination,
Start up your wheels and roll out of the station.
On your new trip, you'll make plenty of stops,
In deep river valleys and on high mountaintops.
Some will surprise you and some will be planned,
And you'll roll through each one saying "I think I can!"
You'll go through tunnels, surrounded by dark,
And you'll wish for a light or even a spark.
You might get scared or a little bit sad,
Wondering if maybe your track has gone bad.
So here's some advice to help ease your doubt;
The track you took inmust also go out.
So steady yourself and just keep on going-
Before you know it, some light will be showing.
And then you'll be out, heading to a new place.
You'll be ready for the next tunnel you face.
Sometimes you'll look up and see planes in the sky,
And you'll think to yousefl, "I wish I could fly."
The cars on th etoads will seem quick and free-
You'll feel stuck on your track and think, "I wish that were me."
But the plane might wish he could get out of the air,
Sating, " I wish i could travel like that train down there."
The cars will watch as you speed right a long,
And they'll say to each other,
"Look how fast and how strong!"
Don't worry about not being a car or a plane,
Just enjoy the trip you'll take as a train.
Don't be afraid to toot your own horn,
If you need to be heard or there are people to warn.
Or if being yourself just makes you so proud
That you want to share it and sing it out loud.
You'll follow your track through twists and through bends,
And stop at new stops and pick up new friends.
They'll all come aboard with smiles and grettings.
You'll have such great times with the people you're meeting.
On the days when you're sad and feel you can't go,
Speak up and ask a friend for a tow.
That's what friends do, so don't be afraid.
You'd do the same if your friend needed aid.
You might stop at some stops that you never have toured,
And look for new friends, but they won't come aboard.
So you'll have to head out with a creak and a groan,
Setting out once again on your track, all alone.
Try to remember that the world is so wide,
Full of all kinds of people with their own trains to ride.
Just stay true to yourself as you travel your track,
With no second-guessing and no looking back.
Once you're on the right track, you'll probably say,
"This one is mine- I'm here to stay."
Try to enjoy the track that you choose-
Stop now and then to take in the views.
If you rush forward, as a general rule,
Before you arrive, could run out of fuel.
Don't overwork, but save up some strength.
That way, every day, you can travel great lengths.
You'll nee all that strength on the days when you're stuck,
Or tired, or sad, or just out of luck.
When your belief in yourself doesn't feel quite so pure
And your "I think I can" doesn't sound quite so sure,
That's shen to puck and to strive and to strain
To show the world you're not a giving-up train
And you're wise if you konw that doing your best
Means that sometimes you should just slow down and rest.
Speeding through your whold treip will bring only sorrow,
So slow down today to be happy tomorrow.
There's morea bout life that you'll learn as you go,
Because figuring things out on your own helps you grow.
Just trust in yourself, and you'll climb every hill.
Say, "I think I can!" and you konw what?
YOU WILL!!!!
Written by Craig Dorman and illustrated by Cristina Ong
Published by Gosset and Dunlap New York 2003
I knew you could! And you knew it, too-
That you'd come out on top after all you've been through.
And from here you'l go farther and see brand-new sights.
You'll face brand-new hills that rise to new heights.
I wish I could show you the stops that you'll visit,
But that isn't my choice to make for you is it?
Instead, i can tell you some lessons and tales
That I've learned and relearned in my time on the rails.
First of all, yo muct find your own track,
So you can start right away and not be held back.
But which track is yours? Well, that all depends
On which way it's oind and where it might end.
Different racks wind around, over, under, and through,
So pick out the one that works best for you
Though the track you start out on will feel like the one,
You might take a few more before you are done.
And now, with your eyes on your new destination,
Start up your wheels and roll out of the station.
On your new trip, you'll make plenty of stops,
In deep river valleys and on high mountaintops.
Some will surprise you and some will be planned,
And you'll roll through each one saying "I think I can!"
You'll go through tunnels, surrounded by dark,
And you'll wish for a light or even a spark.
You might get scared or a little bit sad,
Wondering if maybe your track has gone bad.
So here's some advice to help ease your doubt;
The track you took inmust also go out.
So steady yourself and just keep on going-
Before you know it, some light will be showing.
And then you'll be out, heading to a new place.
You'll be ready for the next tunnel you face.
Sometimes you'll look up and see planes in the sky,
And you'll think to yousefl, "I wish I could fly."
The cars on th etoads will seem quick and free-
You'll feel stuck on your track and think, "I wish that were me."
But the plane might wish he could get out of the air,
Sating, " I wish i could travel like that train down there."
The cars will watch as you speed right a long,
And they'll say to each other,
"Look how fast and how strong!"
Don't worry about not being a car or a plane,
Just enjoy the trip you'll take as a train.
Don't be afraid to toot your own horn,
If you need to be heard or there are people to warn.
Or if being yourself just makes you so proud
That you want to share it and sing it out loud.
You'll follow your track through twists and through bends,
And stop at new stops and pick up new friends.
They'll all come aboard with smiles and grettings.
You'll have such great times with the people you're meeting.
On the days when you're sad and feel you can't go,
Speak up and ask a friend for a tow.
That's what friends do, so don't be afraid.
You'd do the same if your friend needed aid.
You might stop at some stops that you never have toured,
And look for new friends, but they won't come aboard.
So you'll have to head out with a creak and a groan,
Setting out once again on your track, all alone.
Try to remember that the world is so wide,
Full of all kinds of people with their own trains to ride.
Just stay true to yourself as you travel your track,
With no second-guessing and no looking back.
Once you're on the right track, you'll probably say,
"This one is mine- I'm here to stay."
Try to enjoy the track that you choose-
Stop now and then to take in the views.
If you rush forward, as a general rule,
Before you arrive, could run out of fuel.
Don't overwork, but save up some strength.
That way, every day, you can travel great lengths.
You'll nee all that strength on the days when you're stuck,
Or tired, or sad, or just out of luck.
When your belief in yourself doesn't feel quite so pure
And your "I think I can" doesn't sound quite so sure,
That's shen to puck and to strive and to strain
To show the world you're not a giving-up train
And you're wise if you konw that doing your best
Means that sometimes you should just slow down and rest.
Speeding through your whold treip will bring only sorrow,
So slow down today to be happy tomorrow.
There's morea bout life that you'll learn as you go,
Because figuring things out on your own helps you grow.
Just trust in yourself, and you'll climb every hill.
Say, "I think I can!" and you konw what?
YOU WILL!!!!
Written by Craig Dorman and illustrated by Cristina Ong
Published by Gosset and Dunlap New York 2003
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