A couple "I remembers" if you will

As I was sitting getting my hair done today (seriously, there is NOTHING better than freshly highlighted hair, ok maybe a few things, but I. LOVE. Getting. My hair done.) I thought of a few things I wanted to write down about Daxton.

I remember when I took him to get my hair done. I hadn't slept in like 24 hours because I had worked the night before and I just had to get this appointment in. So I took Daxton. As I was waiting for my hair to process I fed him in hopes that he would take a nap. Well all he did was crawl around all over me. It was very cute. and Very frustrating. But we managed. He fell asleep in the car on the way home and I was able to get a few moments of sleep before the girls got home.

I also remember very vividly my dad was holding Daxton on top of the kitchen table. I walked into the room and Daxton looked over at me. Dad said, "You know, there is something really special about this little guy." Yes. Yes there was. He was too perfect to be here. He was too perfect for me to raise in this imperfect world.

It is quite a thing to look back on the year he was with us. There was less contention, more joy, happiness, and peace in our home than I ever thought possible. The girls fought less and loved their little brother more. I think we were just all in love with him and his baby blues. How could you not just love him and be happy around him all. the. time.

Just wanted to share

What about the "Now?"

I know. We are all. guilty. of. it.

"Kids get up in 10 minutes, got to get in the shower"
"I have 5 hours until the kids get home.... need to run to walmart, costco, get my hair done"
"Kids are home, dinner in 2 hours, what to fix..."
"Aw, kids to bed in 3 hours, I am going to clean the house, put the toys away, enjoy some 'me' time"
"3 more hours of my shift and then I get to go home"

Isn't it amazing how we 'tick' our lives away. I was speaking with a co worker last night about this. We of course had different views, but at the time, I was simply being reflective. She mentioned that we had 5 more hours on our shift and then we got to go home. I replied that it was interesting how we are always living a few hours ahead of the 'now.'

President Monson, the prophet of our church said in the last conference and I paraphrase that "Too many tomorrows make up a lot of empty yesterdays."

Always living for the future. One might argue that we are just accomplishing little goals by making it from one hour to the next. I don't disagree, but if we always live for 3 hours ahead of where we are at, where does the time go? And where is the 'now?'

I have tried to live a little more in the now for the last few days, because I feel like I have been 'ticking' the time away.... Can't wait until the kids go to bed when I can get some stuff done, can't wait until my shift is over and I can go home (ok I agree, not a bad one), can't wait until next week when I can get my hair done, get a massage, and whatever else.

What about living for today? What if there are no more tomorrows? or next weeks? Why do we incessantly look to the future, forget the past, and ignore the now? My girls are growing up right before my eyes. I try not to say things like, Can't wait until Mikenna is in Kindergarten all day (this will be very sad mind you), they grow up so fast. That and one minute they are here and the next they may be gone, grown up, and moved out of the house, or on the other side of the veil in Heaven.

If we don't enjoy the now, then what will we look back on when we are old and sitting in our rockers on the porch. We will simply only be able to think of wishing the time away to the future, to retirement, to when our kids are grown, we will have forgotten to make the memories of the 'now.'

A few weeks before Daxton passed away, someone asked me what I was looking forward to. I honestly looked at them and said, nothing. I am enjoying the right now. There isn't anything I am looking forward to except right now. This is probably all a bunch of rambling, I just hope that we all enjoy the 'now' and stop looking so much to the future. Life is too short.

Thanksgiving

I have actually been doing really well for the past few weeks. I have had a lot of "good" days and good moments where I actually think I might survive. Aside from being 32 weeks pregnant with a nasty head cold and working 3 days a week, I feel GREAT!! (ya sure :)).

It was a culmination of emotions on Thanksgiving. It wasn't necessarily because Daxton wasn't there. He was never meant to be there. His time on earth is through and he is serving a glorified mission in Heaven and preparing a way for us. No, it wasn't because I thought he should be there. It was a "bad" day though. Just caught up with me and just so happened it was on T-day.

We have a tradition on T-day where we all go around the table and say what we are thankful for. Since I had spent the better part of the afternoon in the bathroom or bedroom trying to hold it together, I was fresh out. I sat and listened to all that my lovely family was grateful for, I tried to think of all that I was grateful for. I kept walking in and out in hopes that my table would have gone, but no they saved it for me.... Upon my return and avoiding all possible hopes of having to comment on what I was grateful for, dad pipes in and says, "Brit, it is your turn." Right.... So my reply was less than stellar. "I am grateful for my family. That is all I got."

What I wish I would have said was I am thankful for this blessed day where we can be thankful for all that we have. Where we can gather as family and eat such GREAT phenomonal food. We had yummy potatos, yummy stuffing, yummy turkey and smoked ribs which ps gave me SERIOUS heartburn for a week, yummy sweet potatoes, Seriously whoever made those a shout out to you SO YUM!!!! And last but not least, SUPER YUMMY PIES!!! Although with all the good food, there was hardly room. LOL. It was overall a great time to get together and eat and be thankful.

I am thankful for my husband, who holds me when I am sad, laughs with me when I am happy, takes care of my girls and handles them with such love. He is our peacemaker, he is the one who can turn our moods around if we are cranky. He can talk Mikenna out of a pouty mood (which seriously warrants a HUGE award). He is the breadwinner, our provider. He is my best friend. He knows my pain, he knows my sorrow. He knows what makes me happy (just in case you forget: massages, pedicures, chocolate, flowers, a long nap, emptying of the dishwasher... just to name a few :)).

I am thankful for my girls. They are the reason I get out of bed in the morning. They are my life. I look at them in a wonderment that they are mine. I can't believe it. They call me mom and that is great (most of the time). They think I am wonderful, which is great all of the time. I learn so much from them. They are so forgiving of me and my faults. They love me no matter what. And I love them.

I am especially grateful that I was able to have Daxton in my life. It was no where near long enough, but I am grateful I had him as long as I did. I have learned so much from him, while he was here with me on earth and after he returned to Heaven. I sure do miss him, but I would do it all over again.

There are many more things I am thankful for, but this post is VERY long!!!! Loves to you all. Hope that you had a very Happy Thanksgiving!!!!