Heartache

The last few days my heart has hurt for a friend who lost her husband suddenly is a traffic accident. 

I can't believe how fragile life is. Here one minute and gone the next. Makes you take a good long look in the mirror and wonder when your time will come.

This is not why I have been a mess though. Maybe it's the time of year. Maybe it's the time of the month. Who knows, but I have felt this loss so deeply and haven't been able to figure out why. Bryant's mother is also in my ward. One of the good ones. One of the faithful ones. I know the Lord calls home the ones that he needs most, but what about the ones that need them here on earth?

I know grief. I know sorrow. We are really good long time friends actually. We have been through much together the 3 of us. 

I have felt over the last few days a deep sorrow and grief for the mother who lost her son, for the wife who lost a husband and best friend, and for the children who lost a father.

I don't know the kind of grief my friend is experiencing it will experience in the future and quite honestly I hope I never have to know, though I'm not naive enough to think nothing bad will ever happen. 

The feelings of deep sorrow I think come from knowing. Knowing that the grief is so crippling at times you sometimes can't read write or say your own name. Sometimes it's so crippling U go from room to room wondering when your loved one will walk in the door or call your name or you just stay in bed all day.

Your brain tells you they are gone but your heart just cannot comprehend it. And this is why I am so sad. This is why I have shed so many tears. The sudden and unexpected loss is shocking and awful and horrible and there is nothing that even compares, but this is the easy part (and I don't say that lightly). The next hours, days, weeks, months, years of missing. Now this part, this is the almost unbearable part. Living without your right arm, your best friend, your everything. Just thinking about it makes me hurt. 

The empathy I feel for those who have lost the ones dear to them comes from a place of knowing. I've been on the floor in the closet. I've been at the stoplight that turned green without me knowing, I've been brought to my knees many times asking questions and trying to understand... And this is why I am so sad for two friends who just lost someone so near and dear to them. 

Hug those U love a little tighter tonight. Give them an extra kiss and lay by them extra long.