Run away

Ok so this picture has nothing to do with what I am about to write... But it's sort of how I feel!!! All crazy. So. Crazy. We are all a little bit crazy and we all feel more crazy some days than others. So there's that.

As I sit here and listen to OLD SCHOOL country music I'm reminded of when Savannah ran away. Well which time you might ask? The time she ran away from the babysitter after Mikenna was bit by a scorpion when she was 4 years old? Or maybe I'm referring to the time she ran away from a different babysitter when I was picking Doug up from the airport and she went out the front door after locking the door behind her and ran down the street to a neighbors house, grabbed some skittles and proceeded to run down the main road. Nope not referring to that time either... Nor am I referring to the time she ran away from my friend and her husband at the grocery store or when she locked my dad, her grandpa, out of the house... Oh wait she didn't run away. I digress.

No. I'm actually referring to the time she had a somewhat off morning. It was my first week of clinicals and her second week of school at the junior high. She had a rough time on the bus and was tossing shoes, socks, buckles etc. I may have taken gum from her pocket or looked at her funny or fed her syrup and powdered sugar for breakfast. Who knows? What I do know if that when she got to school she was sort of a mess. Luckily she pulled it together but not before she picked the snot out of her leg. She has a chronic wound. It's been there for two years from her surgery actually, almost three years ago. I don't know what to do. I've tried everything. Sewing socks on the hands of her pajamas, cutting the feet off and turning them backwards so I could turn the zipper around, rewards, punishments, time out, tying her hands up... I've tried it all. Don't worry I haven't been reported for child abuse... Maybe you'll tattle on me now. 

I digress again. Sooo little miss Savannah was bleeding and her aide took her to the nurse to get it all bandaged up. She likes to visit the nurse (she's nice and she can get out of class)... The nurse fixed her all up and her aide sent her back to class with the assurance she was right behind her. Yep. Right behind her. Turned her back for 15 seconds. Ya she has an aide for a reason. She gets paid JUST TO WATCH SAVANNAH all day. Sorry if you hate your job (actually I'm not that sorry) but my child's safety is in your best interest. Trust me on this.

So in that 15 supposed seconds Savannah vanished. She was gone. No one could find her. She wasn't in class. She wasn't in the bathroom. She wasn't in the office. She wasn't anywhere to be found. They called security and a few of the principals and called out the dogs. They searched for maybe 15 minutes before they called the police... 

Meanwhile, Savannah had gone out the front door and ran down the busy street, stopped at a ladies house and told her she was bleeding. The sweet lady called the police and the paramedics... 

About the same time I'm going to say the school called the police. Putting two and two together they found Savannah. Luckily she was safe. My heart literally gets sick when I think about what could have happened. Oh um did I mention THAT NO ONE CALLED ME THIS ENTIRE TIME. NO. ONE. NOT ONE PERSON... Ummmmm, by the time they found me they were furious with her. Oh ha I LET THEM HAVE IT. Seriously?!?! Seriously?!?!?! Savannah has a 1:1 aide for a reason. This was not her fault. This was a complete and blatant disregard for her safety. Wow. Good thing I wasn't this fired up when I talked to her teacher. 

I DID however make it VERY clear that this was a breakdown on the part of the school and LET THIS BE A LESSON TO ALL PARTIES that we DO NOT let Savannah roam the school ALONE!!!!! 

So that's my story. Good night. 

CrossFit and pizza

OI've tried a million diets. If you ask anyone who knows me they will tell you that I'm always on a program of some sort. It's a mental game for me. Sometimes I win and sometimes I lose. Let's be honest. Lately I've been losing. Emotional eating is my nemesis. I eat when I'm stressed. I eat when I'm bored. I eat when I'm not hungry. It's true. So I set goals. I do cleanses to eliminate the cravings. I do CrossFit to keep me in shape. I'm not the fittest person I know. Hey. Im not perfect ;). But that's what I like about me. We don't have to be perfect. We just have to try and do better, be better, every single day. 

It's been forever since I blogged. I'm probably going to be random. Some day I want to write a book. I'm not sure if the title but my sister seems to think I'd make a great book so maybe I'll take her advice. That's where this blog comes in handy. Apparently for you to be marketable you have to have a blog, or Instagram or Facebook and have a following... Blah blah blah. Nobody looks at blogs anymore. Too much work. I blogged. Eons ago. I blogged about everything. My Life was so stressful and blogging seemed to take some of that stress from me. I blogged after Daxton died. Every day. It helped me to heal. Grief is a funny phenomenon that many people at some point get to deal with. Yay. Go us. We win. Or lose. Whatever. 

Anyway. I'm blogging again. No judging. I'm random and my punctuation may not always be great and I may not always make sense. But blogging makes sense to me. So I'm going to start doing it again. Follow me why don't ya. We can keep each other company and eat pizza together. 

Big words

Pretty funny these girls of mine. We have a lot of fun together. Sometimes being their mom isn't the easiest thing to be and sometimes them being my daughters is really hard on them! I respect that. We have our moments where we fight and argue (gasp!) but we have those tender moments of putting together puzzles, reading books, or watching Mickey house in the iPad. 

Today was one of those days where I just took each of them in. I got home from the gym and I took scarlett for a bike ride. Ok really she took me for a ride, but we went around the block and then she got tired so I carried a toddler and her bike home around the block. After having a little rest from walking, the baby (scarlett) decided that she wanted to go for a walk in the stroller. I let her sit in the stroller and point which direction she wanted to go. One may think that the baby is tok young to decide where to go but she actually did just fine. In fact she pointed to all the places her sisters request to go when we are out for a walk.

When Savannah got home from school, we had a little sit down chat where she told me that one of her classmates was in the hospital and they didn't know if she was going to live or not. That Savannah  just broke down in tears. She knows what death means. She knows how it feels. I'm not sure she fully comprehends what it all means but I bet she grasps more than I tend to give her credit for. 

Tonight as I was laying by Mikenna and talking about her day I tell her goodnight and that I have to go write a paper. To which she responds, mon why do you have to write so many papers? Well honey I am in school and we have to write papers to show how smart we are (luckily  they are only 5 pages and give me tiny ulcers every time I have to write one). She asked me what paper I was writing tonight and I gladly told her it was about my philosophy of innovation and leadership and how identifying my mission statement and values would drive the heart of my practice (hey that was goooood, I'm going to have to come back to that). To which she responds, mom those are a lot of big words I don't understand. Me too sister. Me too.

This reminds me of the day I went to help out in Isabella's class. They were doing eye testing in the nurses office and Ms K asked if I would run some papers to the office with the kids first and last name on them. Sure! So i pranced my happy little feet to the nurses office where she told me she didn't want that particular paper because she already had it (yet she requested specifically I bring this one)... I turned back to go to the classroom and had a good chuckle... I'm in the doctor of nursing practice program at the university and someday (hopefully) I will be a nurse practitioner.... Yet no matter how important i think I may become or what degree I will achieve, I AM STILL A MOM. That day I was just a mom helping in my daughters class and no one cares what I am otherwise. 

Love being a mom to these crazies and someday Daxton will have more "mothers" than he could ever know what to do with.