Oh my sweet little man, I cannot believe that it has been 4 years since I held you in my arms for the last time, kissed your sweet little cheeks, and squished your chubby little legs. Time has gone by so fast, yet so slow at the same time. The hustle and bustle of life seems to take over most of the time. I find myself (ALOT) wondering how I would be managing the 5 of you all at the same time. Maybe I would be more looney than I am now, it certainly would be justified on all accounts.
It seems like yesterday I left you crying in my sister's arms. I should have come back for you. I still remember....
Your beautiful blues are forever etched into my soul.
So many birthdays we will have to make up for. You would be 5. I look around at all the other 5 year olds and wonder if you would be right there with them, playing, fighting, yelling, and running about. It doesn't seem fair that you are on a mission and I don't get my phone call. I wish I could talk to you on important days like Mother's Day and Christmas. It would sure make the time go faster... maybe.
And so many swimming days too. I often wonder where you are and what you are doing. Sometimes I feel you near, watching over me and your sisters and dad. I long to hold you. I long to watch you grow up. I will someday. I know, but sometimes someday feels so very far away.
It isn't very often that I think back to that very awful day, going over the events in my mind. When I do, it is almost like I am reliving it. I remember long hours crying in my pillow, or staring at the ceiling while talking on the phone, or not wanting to get out of bed. It seems like yesterday, yet like forever.
I miss you so much. Time has healed some of my broken heart, but a piece of it still aches for you. I love you my little blue eyed boy. And I miss you so much that it hurts down to my core. Someday I will hold you in my arms again. Someday I will kiss your chubby cheeks. Someday I will raise you. Someday there will no more somedays. Someday little man. Someday, just not today.
